Tag: long-term relationships

Relationship Dementia #relationship #relationshipadvice #Divorce #nosextonight

One of the most prevailing stories I hear on a daily basis is: My partner of 10-20 years and I love each other, we’re best friends, but we barely ever have intimacy. I call this Relationship Dementia. The medical definition of Dementia is the slow deteriorating of the brain’s functions. In long lasting relationship, this also happens with sex. Long, loving kisses and sexuality are replaced with family issues, fixing the house, dealing with health problems, and friendship. Usually, only one of the partners really wants this to happen. At least one of the partners feels empty, because of the loss of intimacy. But, how to does a couple work to recreate new closeness and a more sensual bond?

Nothing happens in relationship unless you are, first, transparent about the problem. And second, you must both make a concerted effort to make change. Yes, change happens inevitably, but we must have a hand in the direction change takes us. Are you willing to let your life go in any direction it wants? Or, do you want to play a part in the next page of your life?

Personally, I want to take all of what I know, and learn from it. If you are not one of those people who have a spiritual inclination and let every wind sweep you away with heartbreak and desperate calls for help, then you haven’t learned, yet, that you are a creator. You were born in the image of Spirit God. God is a creator. When God has children, they look and act similar to God. So, start playing your role on earth, instead of letting every wind toss you off of your course.

With relationship, two people may stay in commitment, but may not have any sexual energy left after twenty years. Should that stop you from doing your part to recreate the energy you desire? I don’t think so. Bring her flowers. Tell him you love him. Share the deepest feelings of your heart. Break down and bear your soul! Relationships—at this age—need a good shaking. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! What is the worst that could happen?

Yes, you’re right. You could find that your partner has no sexual desire for you anymore. You could finally hear the truth and take action about that truth. But, never knowing how your best friend and partner feels, is not a choice, it is acquiescing to nothingness. If you were to get the honest news that your partner had no desire to have sex or even kiss you anymore, what would your reaction be? You can start from just thinking about the worst that could happen. This is good and healthy behavior, if you don’t get depressed about it and take action.

Assess the relationship. Decide if the relationship is strong enough to remain without sex, or see if your partner would allow you to seek intimacy somewhere else. Sometimes, just the thought of someone else loving the person you care about is enough for a partner to reassess his/her feelings. If this doesn’t work, you could leave the relationship. For at least 50% of the population, intimacy plays a very important role in relationship. If it isn’t there, one doesn’t feel close. Closeness is a necessity, if we’re going to invest so much into one other person. WE want to, not only be a best friend, but want to be a companion, a confidante, a lover, and a fun-seeker. We want it all. You know what, we deserve it!

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[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

The_Leaving_Cellar_Cover_for_Kindle

This is one of my favorite novels, which exemplifies the blog above. Jimmy Joe lives his entire life married to a woman he got pregnant as a teenager, instead marrying the love of his life. Finally, when he retires, and Marty’s husband passes away, he gets the courage to live his dream! By this book on Amazon

 

 

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You’ve Been Married a Long Time When…

The scene of a wedding I attended reminded me of why we actually get engaged and committed. Everything from the setting, to the vows spoken intimately to each other, and the violin serenade was perfectly staged, but never once appeared to be unauthentic.

As the minister shared and joked, the bride and groom added asides. Everyone felt the perfect, comfortable peace of God that tied these two young hearts together from their beginning as high school sweethearts, some nine years ago. They stayed a couple when each was young enough to be stupid, when each went to different colleges, and as she pursued a career in the theater in NYC and he a career in medicine in New Jersey. Now, after all this time and so many life changes, to realize their lives are destined for each other, only makes sense to commit in front of your friends, family, and God.

After the wedding, I was seated with an older gentleman and his wife. Everything that proceeded from his lips sounded like something George Burns would say. His initial quote came after he spent five minutes talking, while his wife completely ignored him. He said, “You know you’ve been married a long time when you enjoy seeing your words come out of the other ear of your wife unheard!”

I sat back and listened with one ear, as I watched the bride and groom dance together for their first time as husband and wife. Mary Susan said to her husband, “Who is going to lead?”

Her husband Jim relied quickly, “I want to lead…” Then he paused and bashfully continued, “If it’s all right with you!” Again, everyone laughed. It was a sure sign that this marriage was authentic and true to life.

We don’t know what the future will hold for any of us. I like what one client, who had struggled through a bought of cancer only to find another small growth, said to her therapist in the book “What Happy People Know,” by Dr. Dan Baker: “Every moment that’s ever been, or ever will be, is gone the instant it’s begun. So life is loss. And the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.”

Notice the cancer patient doesn’t say “but the secret of happiness is…” she says, “and the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.”

In my humble estimation, when we make the distinction that love will someday end, we learn to nurture each day and each moment as if it were the last day we will spend together—which is how it should be.

Life carries with it very little assurances. The best we can do is to live life in the NOW and let go of all the baggage we carry from the past that weighs us down. You can hardly move forward if you are burdened with a load of unneeded manure from the past. Dump it and get on with your great life!

So, you know you’ve been married a long time when…

…you wake up to realize that the person lying next to you has been divinely chosen to share your life. With that realization comes a grand moment of gratitude for the perspective God has given you. For without the ability to observe yourself and your life, you will never be empowered or able to change your condition, nor will you be able to look on your life with joy and peace.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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