Tag: love lost

Relationships: Are They for Personal Growth? #spiritualadvice #relationshipadvice #newthought #racemind

I have been following a dear friend’s Facebook page for years. For the past five years, he has written some of the sweetest words about his partner. Then, finally the day came when he wrote they were engaged. I was so thrilled for him, because, quite honestly, I didn’t think my friend was able to commit to someone completely.

Fast forward: a couple months later I see that he is pictured with someone else on Facebook. I remark to the posting to find out that this picture is of him and his new boyfriend. My heart sank.

Come on, friends. Please show me that love can last! Show me that my illusion of personal relationship is just that—an illusion. I have never met, may never meet anyone who can stay in a relationship and remain happy.

I was tempted to write a note to my friend and say, “Hey, is it possible to say that we keep meeting people who are a little better for our growth, a little closer to our hearts, and can challenge us a bit deeper—or are we just of a sophomoric behavior and think that personal relationship is about finding the best NEW person and not learning through the challenges of the love that chooses to withstand the test of time?

I wish I were inundated with stories that denied my belief of relationship. I wish that I could say that many people who have endured long-standing relationships were happy and content and thankful. But, alas, they usually have sacrificed much of their life for a meaningless document that taught them little about loving themselves, which is often a much harder lesson than caring for another.

Do I sound bitter? HMMM. I guess I am a little angry that true love hasn’t found me yet. How about you?

I have always dreamed of true love. My friends often have laughed at me when I start remarking about this special person in my life. I believe this is so because they know eventually it will not last. Are they bitter, too, or just pragmatic?

Lately, I have stopped looking for love. If it chooses to find me, it’s going to have to bite me in the ass and take a grand hold to get me to notice or care. Life is a lot more peaceful and simpler when I stay focused on what I can see clearly.


Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…cropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)


Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]






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Attachment Wounds

I cut the grass this morning. While circling a mammoth pine tree, two black birds fell to the ground. At first, I thought it was one wounded large bird. But I then noticed these two birds were mating, thrashing around in the mulch. As I watched, it looked as though one was struggling to take control, while the other was pushing away. Yet, the mating continued for about one minute. Then they both flew in different directions.

Suddenly, I thought, I get it! That’s how mating is supposed to work. You grab the first available bird, thrash around a bit, then fly in opposite directions.

If only love and relationship could be that easy.

I went out with a man once on an initial date. He was much cuter in person than his picture portrayed, which is rarely the case in online dating or in life. I was pleased and very attracted. It seemed we were both equally intrigued. The lunch was great and we planned on having another date almost immediately. That date went well. Actually, it was one of the best 2nd dates I had ever had. He was intelligent, funny, and we seemed to feel extremely comfortable with each other.

Then a series of events happened within the next couple days that revealed we were both dating other people at the same time, which I thought was fairly normal. But I showed my heart and told him that I really liked him. In our honesty, he shared that he actually was in love with someone else, but that person wasn’t responding. It was painful for him, I could tell. But that he mixed me up in his pain after only two dates, felt like surrogacy. Even still, I was angry and fascinated at the same time.

I shared my thoughts with a friend who is very adept at attachment theory. His comment was immediately, “Don’t engage! This is purely an attachment wound for you.”

He explained that this person represented a lot more to me than a date. He was everyone who had ever left me before. When he became no longer available, it was as if trying to heal a wound by cutting in deeper. This therapist friend shared with me that attachment wounds are felt in the same place as the pain from a physical wound. There is no telling your body you are not in pain. And there, inherently, isn’t a way to tell your brain that you don’t feel pain in relationship-attachment wounds either. The connection in the brain sees no difference in the two different pain signals.

As the days went on, I found myself trying to get close by offering advice. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did anyway. Eventually, he called me ‘arrogant’ and cut himself off from wanting to be friends. This, of course, made the anxious attachment in me even worse. Now I had to show him that I was not the arrogant person he thought I was, but a person who cared for him. I tried my best to resist texting him, but eventually the attachment wound would win out.

He would answer with one or two words—sometimes, but not always, which indicated to me, he was no longer interested in engaging. I understood cognitively. But my subconscious didn’t want to let go.

Every couple days I would check in and see how he was doing with a text. In fact, the feelings of wanting to see him again and engage in intimacy multiplied exponentially as he would not answer.

This is not love. This is a deep attachment wound. I know it with all my heart. But there was very little I could do to appease the wound that kept crying out like a baby that needed feeding.

I would say to myself, “Bo, you can see this that this person is like poison to you. He cannot fill any of your secure needs for attachment. He is avoidant and in love with someone else.”

Every time I spoke those words, the feelings of abandonment got worse. I went back to my therapist friend for advice. Again, he shared that it was a matter of deep attachment wounds. The only thing I could do was avoid what was hurting me and create a safer place for me to heal. No contact with this person!

Well, I can’t say that the solution was an easy one. But my friend was right. The longer I let the person distance himself, the better I felt. Time was the only means of healing, just as it would be if you were wounded physically. Well, time and taking care of myself by using Attachment Theory to help me find a person that is, indeed, the right person intimately for me in relationship.

I hope this helps you to tell the difference between obsessing about unrealistic love and secure love. One person is available. The other is not!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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