Nothing is more ephemeral than the kind of love that #sexual_attraction garners. With sexual attraction a fire ignites that often cannot be stopped before the phase of relationship that should take time and energy, stabilizing and balancing the sexual component.
In other words, the foundation of relationship must be founded in trust, security, friendship, and yes attraction to each other’s light and personality. If I were to choose which one of these will stop a relationship from growing, it would be the sexual part.
Our illusion is solely based on what we see in dramas and in movies. Think about it. A movie writer has less than two hours to get two characters to fall in love, have some antagonist pull them apart, then they return to love again. This is the usual content of a movie. In real life, this would often happen in 7 to 8 years, not moments. But we experience life and love at a fleeting pace, which is certainly the world’s worst illusion for those of us who truly desire secure love.
I can honestly say, as the song says, “I’ve looked at love from both sides now,” and can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, there is no illusions in true love. Every moment is raw and organic. Life is an adventure. Even the boring parts are times of growing to deeper depths of emotion and eventful joy.
Dave and I were recently trapped in our condo during Hurricane Irma for 3-5 days without going many places. We took a couple of walks, but even that was difficult because of all the debris strewn about. At one point I suggested, “Do you want to play cards by candlelight?”
This time created by a natural disaster, begat some of the best moments of our relationship, times we will cherish and bind us closer and closer. However, had we not taken almost a year to get to know each other and find a lasting friendship and prayer partnership, I could see that in those times of distress, we could have ended up becoming an annoyance to each other, rather than the joyful partner who dances in the rain.
If you are in a relationship and feel as if you missed the opportunity to find this kind of foundational security, you haven’t. But your partner has to be on board to begin the exploration phase of the relationship, to ask the questions and field the hard answers you only get when love isn’t at stake.
If you are not in a relationship yet, daily imagine a person that is right for you in all (sow the seeds of love), not just the right chest size, height, muscles, and smile. Honestly, when I was blind to love, I found the friend and partner who has shown me the most love I’ve ever experienced in my life.
He didn’t expect it. I didn’t forsee it. And yet, the universal pull of love gently brought us quietly and organically into the warmest embrace I’ve ever known.
True love has no illusion.