A spiritual theory exists that declares we all are one on some level of existence. You are not only one with God, but one with your neighbor, your parents, your friends, and even more interestingly—your enemies and your exes. If this is so, then we have got a great deal of reframing to do; and I don’t mean reframing pictures or cutting out exes from photos and pasting a snapshot of your dog over his face.
This theory came up when I was thinking about the anger that I have faced when exes have either broken up with me or did something heinous that caused me to break up with them. My thought process was: if we are all one in harmony with universal purpose, if everyone in our lives has a storyline that was defined before we came to this earth, then there is a perfectly good reason why I spent the last ??? years of my life with this person who has broken my heart. If this is true, then I had better figure out what his role is or I may have to go on rehearsing this drama for the rest of my human life. Trust me, I don’t like traumatic energy, nor do I want it in my life.
I don’t think we can simply clear our lives of drama if we are actively seeking any kind of relationship. Relationships, inherently, cause issues that often lead to drama because they are all heart related. Even being “one” with someone in the cosmos somewhere spiritually doesn’t mean we are compliant with their every human instinct.
When we first start going out with someone, we look past a lot of flaws, because we sense a oneness that overwhelms us. Then, as we continue in the relationship, and perhaps begin spending days together, we see things that are not compatible with what we are used to or enjoy. When this happens, we either have to bite our tongues and live with it, or say something that may cause some friction.
A healthy relationship can endure these minor changes and fluctuations in behavior, but one that is not established in true compassion and love, usually can’t. (However, there are times when someone’s living conditions just will never be compatible with yours. In these cases, you have to either move on or live in separate abodes.) Personally, when I get to an impasse that indicates there is no way we could ever live together, I generally move on, because I really desire to live with my partner eventually. I want to make a home together, which is a part of my life long dream.
What I’ve learned about human relationships after coaching so many people in disastrous marriages is that some things are just not worth working through. Sometimes you have to move on especially when dealing with narcissistic attitudes and belief systems that are completely opposite.
When that happens and relationship ends, your next step is to make amends with yourself for all the reasons you had to retract your vows from the person you thought you wanted to pursue love with. You have to forgive yourself; but more importantly forgive the person who has moved on. That person is responsible for very strong and effective change in your life. He or she has made your life better in some way, because he has taught you the hard lessons of life that have carved out the better “you” in the end.
Eventually, you have to forgive that person and learn to live with the idea that he or she has helped you on your path to your true spiritual purpose and authentic life. That is what we’re living for, right?
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.
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