Tag: making amends

You Are One With Your Ex

A spiritual theory exists that declares we all are one on some level of existence. You are not only one with God, but one with your neighbor, your parents, your friends, and even more interestingly—your enemies and your exes. If this is so, then we have got a great deal of reframing to do; and I don’t mean reframing pictures or cutting out exes from photos and pasting a snapshot of your dog over his face.

This theory came up when I was thinking about the anger that I have faced when exes have either broken up with me or did something heinous that caused me to break up with them. My thought process was: if we are all one in harmony with universal purpose, if everyone in our lives has a storyline that was defined before we came to this earth, then there is a perfectly good reason why I spent the last ??? years of my life with this person who has broken my heart. If this is true, then I had better figure out what his role is or I may have to go on rehearsing this drama for the rest of my human life. Trust me, I don’t like traumatic energy, nor do I want it in my life.

I don’t think we can simply clear our lives of drama if we are actively seeking any kind of relationship. Relationships, inherently, cause issues that often lead to drama because they are all heart related. Even being “one” with someone in the cosmos somewhere spiritually doesn’t mean we are compliant with their every human instinct.

When we first start going out with someone, we look past a lot of flaws, because we sense a oneness that overwhelms us. Then, as we continue in the relationship, and perhaps begin spending days together, we see things that are not compatible with what we are used to or enjoy. When this happens, we either have to bite our tongues and live with it, or say something that may cause some friction.

A healthy relationship can endure these minor changes and fluctuations in behavior, but one that is not established in true compassion and love, usually can’t. (However, there are times when someone’s living conditions just will never be compatible with yours. In these cases, you have to either move on or live in separate abodes.) Personally, when I get to an impasse that indicates there is no way we could ever live together, I generally move on, because I really desire to live with my partner eventually. I want to make a home together, which is a part of my life long dream.

What I’ve learned about human relationships after coaching so many people in disastrous marriages is that some things are just not worth working through. Sometimes you have to move on especially when dealing with narcissistic attitudes and belief systems that are completely opposite.

When that happens and relationship ends, your next step is to make amends with yourself for all the reasons you had to retract your vows from the person you thought you wanted to pursue love with. You have to forgive yourself; but more importantly forgive the person who has moved on. That person is responsible for very strong and effective change in your life. He or she has made your life better in some way, because he has taught you the hard lessons of life that have carved out the better “you” in the end.

Eventually, you have to forgive that person and learn to live with the idea that he or she has helped you on your path to your true spiritual purpose and authentic life. That is what we’re living for, right?

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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Who Says New Teeth Don’t Make You Feel Good?

I just got back from the dentist and I got my new front tooth. It looks friggin’ amazing. Dr. Grissam did some cosmetic dentistry to the rest of my front teeth—shaved down a little here, smoothed a little there. It’s like I’m a new man! (The last time I had this done, the guy whittled down the corncob just a little too much and I had this bad taste in my mouth for a year. But I digress.)

I got my taxes done and have an appointment for Thursday with my tax man. The last of my car problems was taken care of and paid for mostly in cash yesterday. I washed my car on the way home from the dentist this morning. Madame Beamer looks beautiful and almost new. The plumbing in my house is almost all replaced. Honestly, I feel like a new person.

The greatest thing about all of it is, I didn’t have to go into debt for any of it! So, my smile is even better and bigger than normal.

I have been working on one thing now that has been making my life even more special and more peaceful than it ever has been feeling before. That is the ninth step of the 12-step AA program. “Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

I’m not in any 12-step program. But I do believe strongly in the principles. So, I have recently gone back into my life and thought about anybody that I have had deep unforgiveness for or had been holding something hidden from in my recent past. As a result, I have let go of a couple very big loads that have been sitting in my heart for a long time. Each time I have made amends, the message was clear in my heart that it was for both of our good to let go and allow for the deepest possible healing to occur. As a result, I shared the deepest secrets of my soul and had the greatest healings as well. Today I feel about 50 pounds lighter.

I kept wondering what the spiritual message of January was about. I believe there is a metaphor with most of what is happening in our lives if we are listening. After much contemplation, I felt that what was happening with all the major expenses and break downs of the framework of my life was a build up of psychic energy that needed to be released by working on many different facets of my spiritual life—prosperity, forgiveness, anxiousness, trust, and the ability to keep my heart open, despite the human belief that there is hurt waiting for us around every bend.

This kind of idealism takes diligence and a daily walk down a courageous road toward unveiling all the paths toward truth that you have been avoiding your entire life. Not many people have the fortitude to sit still long enough for God to reveal the path that leads to the most profound truths for their lives. I hope that I can be patient long enough for that truth.

I know one of my biggest pratfalls is wanting to jump into intimate relationship to ease the sting of walking steadfastly with God. It is no easy chore to stand alone as you hear from God daily about where and when to go. Sometimes it’s a lonely walk. Sometimes it’s a scary walk. But most times, God gives you the people, friends, sustenance and truth to undergo all that you need. I’m praying for that in my life and in yours as we all start this February with the thought of spring rising within us. I already have daffodils budding in my front yard.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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