1. Is there room in your life for another person?
2. Have you finished forgiving the last relationship in your life?
3. Are you ready emotionally to share an intimate part of your life with someone else?
4. Can you make someone else a priority in your life?
Let’s start with number one. Is there room in your life? I know a gal who is still married to her husband, but living in a different room—part of the house, because of their children. They are legally divorced, but financially very dependent for the sake of the children and for time constraints. She wants to move on and is ready, but what exactly in her life says that she has room for another human being in her life?
If you want the universe to see that you are ready for a real relationship, you must make the space for this special person first. It’s like getting pregnant and forgetting to make space for the new baby. Most people prepare a room for the new child, decorated according to the gender. Then they put all the things one would need for a baby in the room. When the baby comes, they are prepared. You have to make room for it first!
Step Two: If Forgiveness from the last relationship hasn’t happened at the core of your being, then it’s going to come back up to bite you in the ass in your new relationship. Let me tell you that your new partner will take the shape and form of your old relationship, because you haven’t learned the very important lesson you needed to learn from the last relationship. Grieve, hit a punching bag, take a course in Forgiveness, but get it out before you bring your hate into another relationship.
Step Three: Emotional Readiness. Only you can know that you have had enough time to be with yourself and your emotions after a long or short relationship. It could have been a death, a divorce, or simply a parting of ways, but all endings translate to death in our minds. There is a grieving that must take place and a period of time that our hearts need to heal before we can move on.
A sure sign of healing is when you start to desire to meet new people. If you are sulking in your house and don’t want to get out, you are probably still in the grieving stage. Some people take years to get over a lost love. Of course, that being said, sometimes they need a little push to get out of that slump too. But mostly, you know in your heart when you are ready, and no counselor or therapist can really tell you when your heart is ready.
Lastly, prioritizing for another person. Most people don’t know the statistics about this. But it is true that in relationship that with children, the marital relationship should take priority. It is very important to establish a healthy balance with your children in your own love life, so that they can see that they don’t control you or your love for someone else. Almost every psychological study shows that this is true for all family relationships.
This prioritizing may also include taking time from work to make the person in your life feel like he or she is worth your attention. One thing is for certain, in an intimate relationship, you should feel—and have the right to feel—that you are the most important person to that individual. Everyone deserves that right in relationship. If you don’t have that, then you aren’t in a secure relationship.
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