Tag: New York City

The Sandusky Trial

The Sandusky Trial

I’ve been following this trail kind of peripherally as different news shows highlight what’s going on. I wondered what if Sandusky were really telling the truth and all the young men were just pissed at him for being so mean or something like that. What then? How could he exonerate himself? You know, the justice system doesn’t really leave room for people who are innocent when people are lying about them. (This, of course, is pure speculation. I tend to believe that Sandusky is guilty.)

I had a lawyer friend who died a couple years ago who used to tell me horror stories of people who were completely innocent that were accused who had to pay out the ear because of people lying about their business or a fake fall or alleged sexual assault.

I remember once, I had this woman in my life that I considered to be my best friend. Everyone of my friends always told me that when one of them would be alone with her, she would treat him/her meanly. I kind of shrugged it off, because I just couldn’t imagine her being mean to anyone.

But soon the meanness happened to me. I moved to NYC and sold a business to her and—long story short—I ended up not staying in NYC. When I returned, she decided she was going to turn all my friends against me and tell them that I was going to cheat her with the business, which was not the case at all.

It took me almost a year to clean up the mess. I sat in my truth and kept saying to anyone who would accuse me, “I’d be glad to have you, her and I talk together about all this. I’ve wanted to talk and get it all out in the air since I’ve been home. But she won’t talk to me. There is nothing more I’d like than to be friends and clean this mess up.”

But every time, she would tell the friend that was trying to help, she would not get together with me. Soon, every person decided I must be telling the truth, since she wouldn’t come to the table to talk.

But let me tell you the year I had was miserable. Almost every friend and the ministers I had at church were all against me at first. Imagine coming home and feeling estranged from everyone you know and love. Try proving yourself innocent sometime is rough business. It is not easy, when someone slanders you with words you never said and things you can’t easily prove are wrong.

I say all this because we can easily live life thinking that by manifesting authenticity that we can circumvent accusations. But I know that not to be true. If you’ve been following my blogs, you know I got sued by someone recently because it hailed outside while my client was under hypnosis and in the next session, because she had a headache from drinking 2 bottles of wine the night before and couldn’t listen to the background music I used in hypnosis. I won the case, but I had to go to court and deal with the entire mess.

Remember when Oprah aired the show about Mad Cow disease and got sued by the beef farmers? She was just trying to help people be safe.

Doing the right thing, doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t have to face condemnation, conviction, and trials. In fact, it may mean that we have to walk the road of the innocent as Jesus did and face our accusers… bloody and whipped.

I hate that idea more than anything. But it’s a real truth. Be careful what you say and who you say it to.

Yesterday I said I was an optimist. This blog wasn’t too optimistic, but it is truthful. Sometimes we just have to take off our blinders and face life as it truly is. But then, never more than now, do we understand how much we need the help of our spiritual light to guide us through the chaos life can be. I thank God for knowing that I can sit on my spiritual perch and just watch from there and observe without judgment. It’s a blessing to know self-hypnosis and meditation that can get me to a place where I cannot be touched by all the mess that life can sometimes dole out.

Namaste.

 

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Searching for Life

Searching for Life

When I was 26, a spiritual man in an old storefront in Wisconsin told me that I would go to school to heal people. Reminiscent of Jesus writing in the sand, he scribbled on a tattered piece of paper, while he said I would travel to many places, live many places, before I would finally settled down and understand my true path. He also said that it would take about ten more years before I would ever become successful. He said I would write a book(s).  At that time I was twenty-six and living in NYC. I was an actor, singer, and dancer. I left the storefront where the man lived and scoffed. “What does he know?” I can be anything I want to be.

I remember his words hitting my heart hard and deep, though. I wondered about the path I had chosen as an actor, and if I was following my heart or God’s. Or was my path to be a combination of both?

I soon woke to realize, I was going from audition to audition trying to become something that would only temporarily fill the hole that was in my heart. It was clear to me that what I needed was acceptance, and I needed it badly, which was why I chose a path that people applauded and cheered at the end of everything I did.

I grew up a waif, very skinny and pale, and a school nerd. I got straight A’s and I played the piano and sang three hours a day, which drove my family crazy. Finally, my family put the piano in my bedroom and padded my room with five inches of quilts.

The guys at school hated me. They would jack me up in the stairwells and punch me just because they could. “Faggot!” rang through the stairwell, as it emptied. Left there angry and hurt, I crouched there trying to regain my composure for my next class.

I remember one time I was in Social Studies class sharpening my pencil, a crazy guy was taunting me with his sharpened pencil. Yes, it went straight into my right eyeball, leaving me with a scar, I would finally get surgically removed at 32 years old.

It’s not easy growing up different. What you end up needing most of all is support and people praising you. It’s no wonder a lot of gay guys go into theater. Crowds clap for you and give you standing ovations. You can imagine you are truly loved.

But what happens when you realize that the claps you are hearing are, in fact, hollow—not for your heart, but for the mask you wore for the last two hours? You’re left with a gaping hole the size of a Great Lake?

That’s where I found myself when I finally decided to pursue my dream of becoming a Christian Contemporary singer in Nashville. I saved up a lot of money and moved here in a red VW bus, only knowing two friends. The days were lonely, but the nights were even rougher. I remember one night crying on the phone to my mother. She was so worried about me the next day, she called and called my home leaving messages (before we had cell phones) and couldn’t reach me. So, she contacted the police. I recall coming home from the grocery store and finding three policeman with large flashlights surrounding my house, just about to breakdown my door.

When I asked what was going on, one policeman said, “Are you Bo Sebastian?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said, “Son, you better call your momma right now. She thinks you’re dead.”

I spent about two years pursuing Christian Contemporary music in Nashville, before I realized that I would have to lie about being gay to get any kind of deal, even a writing deal. So, I let that dream go too would be no lying anymore for me. If I couldn’t be honest and authentic, then whatever it was I was pursuing, simply wasn’t worth it.

Finally, I just started teaching voice lessons and practically became an overnight success. I had 40-50 students each week and was making money hand over foot.

I never had so much money. But teaching wasn’t filling my heart either. It fulfilled some sense of my passion, but what I really wanted to do was write. After I spent an entire year writing my first novel, I got fifty rejection letters. I read books about getting published, hired editors to help me, and went to Literary Writing Seminars across the US. With each step I got closer to my dreams. But soon I realized that what I searched for in publishing my books was the same thing that I was searching for when I was an actor—approval. So, I lay down my pen and searched again.

Finally, when I wasn’t looking for my passion, I discovered it. I was having trouble sleeping for maybe three to five years. I would go to sleep for about two hours, then wake up wide-awake feeling like I could run around the block—my heart pounding out of my chest. It would happen every night. I was exhausted mentally and physically. I thought I had tried everything. But one day I was waiting for church to begin in NYC in the Empire State Building and saw a notice on a Memo board for hypnotherapy. “HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING? Give me a call!”

I did call and was relieved of years of agony with one session. But what I learned was so much more. I understood the body/mind paradigm—finally. I understood what I was: A spirit dwelling in a human body with a mind. Hypnosis helped me coordinate the parts of my brain to help me feel whole and spiritual. I could go deep into trance and step outside myself, just like a prayer, and look compassionately at my life and now make some sense of it, which also fortified my spiritual walk.

In that moment I understood that I was on the path to my passion and fulfilling my dream, some ten years after the man in the storefront told me so. These last twenty years have been so rich with success, not just financially and mentally, but actually knowing who I am and what I am here to do finally makes sense. This is my definition of success: When you find your passion, it doesn’t matter if you pick up garbage for a living, life becomes perfectly okay.  A sense of peace falls over you that you never expected.

People have asked me, “If you were to win the lottery, would you quit working?”

Every time I answer without pause, “Absolutely not! I couldn’t live without my work. It is my life force. It feeds my soul everyday to help people understand who they are, what is missing in their lives, how to get back on track, and how to risk the hard choices to gain the power they’ve lacked.”

There is only one rule for searching for Life, my friends: Find it in your passion!

 

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