Tag: nostalgia

Refried Beans and Poppycock #nostalgia #livinginthepast #tryingnewthings

I come from a large Italian family, rich with food I can’t spell, tons of siblings and relatives, and a culture that values the art of loving and laughing. As I have moved through life—and sometimes far away from relatives—I had always thought that family was surrogate, loving friends who were in the same boat as I—a far distance from relatives. This homemade family had birthdays, holidays, and wept together during the hard times—all things your blood relative usually provide.

Now that I’m a stone’s throw away from three sisters and a mom, I sat excited about my family’s weekly game night. I realized that I had rather be sitting in that hard wooden chair surrounded by my family than anywhere else in the world. I looked around the table at three generations of friends. They are not just family, but my best and most secure friends. We ate and laughed for four hours, as we often do. Each time we get together, I’m completely in the moment.

I’m glad I took the opportunity to rediscover my family, kind of like refried beans. They are cooked a few times, looking kind of squished and mutilated, but taste crispy around the edges, full of flavor, spread easily, and taste familiar. What I hadn’t realized about moving near family was the security they would provide for my heart.

I have often written about the three kinds of attachments in Attachment Theory. Anxious attachment comes from a lack of secure connection, first with family, then usually exposing itself in personal relationships. If the dynamics of family is right, then it could provide the needed secure attachment you may have been looking for in personal relationships your entire life, as I have. I notice, now, that instead of thinking about meeting someone to spend my life with, I think—if it happens, it happens. For me, that’s a great place to be, mostly because I have been the kind of man who wanted relationship so badly that I rushed in and made many mistakes.

Last night, my twenty-eight-year-old nephew, who is the straight clone of me, introduced the family to this new popcorn that had cheese corn and caramel corn mixed together. We all tore through the bag like ravenous pigs. The taste reminded me of Poppycock, which is equally as addictive. As we were all stealing handfuls of this popcorn from each other’s separate bowls, I realized how life provides something new and wonderful at each moment if I am observant.

I commit to spending the rest of this life simply aware. This is my new goal. As I become more securely attached, I spend more and more time simply being and enjoying life. What a lovely way to live.

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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]





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That Nostalgic Dance

I don’t believe we would be human if we didn’t have nostalgia moments. Nostalgia seems to be a part of life. However, I have noticed that when I move into the past with longing and “what ifs,” I notice that I usually end up feeling emotional, or worse yet, depressed. Is nostalgia necessary for a healthy life focused on the present?

I had a Black Lab/German Shepherd named Poco. He used to stand up on his back legs and shake his head from side to side when he would become excited. Eventually, we would encourage him and say, “Poco, do the dance! Do the dance!” He learned that the command meant to do this funny jerking movement. This trick always made company laugh and smile. Poco died about six years ago of cancer.

Can we live life without a slow dance with the past? “Should I have married him?” “Should I have quit my job and taken that opportunity to start my own business?” “Should I have forgiven her and started over, wiping the slate clean?” “Wouldn’t life be better if she were still alive?”

Every year, I make at least one commitment that will last throughout January, if not the entire 365 days. This year, I decided to imagine what would life be like if I lived it completely in the now. I have been trying to act as if I can carry no part of the past into my future. Notice, I’m not saying I believe the past didn’t exist or that it wasn’t important to make me who I am. But I am saying that I no longer need to carry it with me into my future.

In hypnosis, I have always done a session for people who want to let go of something tragic. The session is based on the idea of walking down the long hallway of life, carrying a basket in one hand and walking through the seasons of life collecting objects that represent people, jobs, and relationships—both good and negative. Once you’ve reached the present, a huge gap stands between you and your future. To jump over the gap, you have to let go of the basket, because it weighs you down.

If you think about it, what exactly do you need from the past that will help you with the future? Could you exist without the residual past and all that it brings to your life? This conundrum has stumped many spiritual seekers in the past. I believe one can exist without the hindrance of nostalgia and the past. The only thing the past brings to me is an old road with signs—torn and tattered from the days before.
Can we paint the present and future with flowing beautiful strokes when one arm is holding a heavy basket and the other arm is trying to manage the efforts of balancing your body with the heavy load the past? We end up crooked and safeguarding the past, only to miss the opportunities of the now and the future.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

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