Tag: OCD

Fixing What’s Not Wrong— #OCD

Have you ever met someone who finds a problem with almost everything you do? From the moment you walk in the door, she’s telling you how she wants you to act, where to sit, what to talk about, and completely dissects everything you say, so you end up feeling as if you are walking on eggshells? You may often feel as if you don’t have the energy to be around that person, when you deal with a hard time in your own life. Have you considered that this friend or partner may be dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Sometimes, letting go of the smallest of issues is hard for people who have a diagnosis of OCD. This problem affects rationale and causes anxiety, involving both obsessions and compulsions that take a lot of time and get in the way of important relationships and activities. You may have seen the television show Monk. Monk was the extreme OCD patient, unable to touch anything without gloves. Things had to be in perfect order, or he would have to stop everything he was doing and fix the painting slightly tilted at a 2-degree angle.

OCD doesn’t often take such a strong hold of someone’s life, such as the character Monk. This disease often affects people in smaller degrees. It may present as a way to take control of minor issues to keep from looking at past pain or fear. For someone such as this, you will notice lots of order around the house. Specific articles have to be just properly placed, or conversations are radically dissected, with the OCD person usually trying to discern what each word in your sentence means. In any of these instances, the OCD person is trying to control behavior to keep from being activated by his/her own issues.

Often, we may have thought that a friend or relative is simply controlling, when the truth is, he or she may simply have OCD. If this is the case, then you do have to do some managing to be safe in this relationship. But, the managing you have to do is in your own perception and in deciding just how far you’ll walk with that person into that diagnosis.

I have had two partners with severe OCD. One was more compulsive than the other. Partner One would check to see if his car was locked three or four times a night. If some article were on sale at a store, he would buy 10 of the product to make sure he had enough. Then, once he got home, wonder if he had bought enough. Often, he would go back out and buy more. Yet, his room was in such disarray, I had to keep the door shut.

Partner Two had both compulsive and obsessive problems. He was the picture perfect OCD patient. The bedspread and bed pillows had to be placed exactly in order every morning. The toilet paper had to be facing in a particular direction. If he bought something to hang on the wall, he would eventually go out and buy something for the other side of the room, so that it balanced in his mind. His closet looked like an army sergeant had ordered him to color code it. Underneath every bed in the house were paintings he simply had to have because of the sale price, yet space on the wall did not exist. His house had more knickknacks than a home goods store. Yet, at the beginning of both of these relationships, I didn’t see these signs. In fact, the newness of the relationship kept Partners One and Two so preoccupied that neither showed signs until they were comfortable enough. Unfortunately for me, I had fallen in love by that time.

We wonder why anyone gets to the place in life where he or she has to control small aspects of life in such extreme ways. But we don’t have to look too far to see that these people have had hard lives and, by taking control of the small things, sometimes peace returns to their minds. So, when a friend or relative or intimate partner wants to control the tiny things in your life, you can have a modicum of compassion. However, for me, I had to draw a line in the sand with both of my OCD partners and with friends who try to control my smallest behaviors.

For someone who has OCD and is trying to attract more close friends or, maybe, even begin a relationship with an intimate partner, you must realize that your controlling behavior impacts everyone around you. Friends will feel as if they are walking on eggshells around you. You have to realize that treading lightly takes more energy than most friends want to give. Even the most compassionate of friends has to draw the line somewhere.

What you often find in friendships with an OCD person is that, if you acquiesce to the small things, that same friend will begin to dissect even smaller things. As the friend, you have to find a space where you can feel safe in the relationship. This can be hard to maneuver. Eventually, in both relationships, the OCD got too much for me and I moved on.

I know this sounds harsh, especially for the person with OCD, who has probably pushed away countless good friendships and feels horrible about it. People with this problem understand that it’s difficult to be around them. If they don’t, they are likely to spend the rest of their lives lonely and going from one friendship to the next looking for a safe place to land.

My advice, after spending four years dealing with this situation on a day-to-day basis is to be honest about what bugs you. Try to find a common ground of understanding. Ask the person with whom you love to cut you some slack in certain situations, especially when you need special care or are frightened. I noticed that these partners are quite compassionate when they are not activated by their own issues. So, if you are more transparent about what you need, often, your problem takes their mind off of the small issues that upset them.

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Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

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Precious LIttle Control #SuperbowlXLVIII

Many people think they can pick the winner of the Superbowl today. Well, picking the winner has a 1 to 2 odds, just like choosing black or red in Craps. Now, figuring out which team will score how much is a bit more of a numbers game. However, in either situation, you may have the odds nailed down and be exactly on target with Peyton out ahead by 10 points. Denver is on their 35 yard line and it’s the fourth down. Denver is up by seven and a field goal would make your spread be the perfect number.  Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a fumble. Seattle picks up the ball and scores. It’s tied.

Even the most OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) person will tell you, he can keep all his shirts pressed, color coded, and equidistant apart in his closet, but he can’t tell the sun to shine or dance for the rain to fall. In short, we have precious little control over the goings on in our lives. What exactly do we have control of, and how can we take that precious control and make it calm our minds and hearts about the future? Imagine that you look at life through the lens of a video camera. All that is going on is being played out as if on a movie screen in front of you. If you can imagine this scenario, then you know that the one person you don’t see on the screen is YOU! That is because you are the director of your life.

Now, let’s imagine that the show viewed in front of you is a baby playing with a toy on the living room carpet. If you took that scene and played a spooky, haunting music clip behind it, you might think that the baby is in impending danger. However, if you played “Music Box Dancer” behind it, then you may feel joyous. In other words what is superimposed onto the scene in front of you comes from the director—You! If something tragic happens in your life, and the music that you play or the voice over is something positive and peaceful, such as: “I’m not sure why this is happening, but I know I’ll be safe and provided for;” then, you are more likely not to react frantically or irrationally.

I was driving home with my friend Sharon. She noticed that a car in front of me three different times had acted crazily. She said, “If that were me, I would have gotten upset and beeped my horn.” I said, “Sharon, how much life do you want to lose over something you can’t control? I figure that I make driving errors all the time, and people have to put up with me. I’ll just let them slide and give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I can’t control what happens to me when I’m driving. I can only drive defensively and hope the rest of the world does too.” She laughed. “Good point!” Sharon gets that I don’t let much rattle me. I decided long ago that with my “precious little control” I was going to try to set the scene with peace and joy and laughter. That’s much more my style and befitting for the moment.

My dear readers, you can’t control the elements, the people around you, or God; so don’t waste your precious life and joy trying to.

If you are stuck in the middle of a tornado, duck into a bathtub. If you have a partner in relationship that is bugging you with some attitude or behavior that is irritating, then just simply ask him/her to stop. If your query is met with bitching and ranting, then move on. If you think you can tell God when you are going to die, you have not experienced much of life. Children, friends, and family die unexpectedly all the time. We have absolutely no control over it.

But what I learn each time death happens is that I have wasted way too much time trying to control what I can’t. I also learn that today is the time to do what makes me happy. Use your precious control to change the one person that matters—YOU!

So, take your bets away today and put your attention where it matters: on you!  Go Broncos! lol

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Precious Little Control

Even the most OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) person will tell you, he can keep all his shirts pressed, color coded, and equidistant apart in his closet, but he can’t tell the sun to shine or dance for the rain to fall. In short, we have precious little control over the goings on in our lives.

What exactly do we have control of, and how can we take that precious control and make it calm our minds and hearts about the future?

Imagine that you look at life through the lens of a video camera. All that is going on is being played out as if on a movie screen in front of you. If you can imagine this scenario, then you know that the one person you don’t see on the screen is YOU! That is because you are the director of your life.

Now, let’s imagine that the show viewed in front of you is a baby playing with a toy on the living room carpet. If you took that scene and played a spooky, haunting music clip behind it, you might think that the baby is in impending danger. However, if you played “Music Box Dancer” behind it, then you may feel joyous.

In other words what is superimposed onto the scene in front of you comes from the director—You! If something tragic happens in your life, and the music that you play or the voice over is something positive and peaceful, such as: I’m not sure why this is happening, but I know I’ll be safe and provided for; then, you are more likely not to react frantically or irrationally.

I was driving home with my friend Sharon. She noticed that a car in front of me three different times had acted crazily. She said, “If that were me, I would have gotten upset and beeped my horn.”

I said, “Sharon, how much life do you want to lose over something you can’t control? I figure that I make driving errors all the time, and people have to put up with me. I’ll just let them slide and give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I can’t control what happens “to” me when I’m driving. I can only drive defensively and hope the rest of the world does too.”

She laughed. “Good point!”

Sharon gets that I don’t let much rattle me. I decided long ago that with my “precious little control” I was going to try to set the scene with peace and joy and laughter. That’s much more my style and befitting for the moment.

My dear Blog Readers, you can’t control the elements, the people around you, or God; so don’t waste your precious life and joy trying to.

If you are stuck in the middle of a tornado, duck into a bathtub. If you have a partner in relationship that is bugging you with some attitude or behavior that is irritating, then just simply ask him/her to stop. If your query is met with bitching and ranting, then move on. If you think you can tell God when you are going to die, you have not experienced much of life. Children, friends, and family die unexpectedly all the time. We have absolutely no control over it.

But what I learn each time death happens is that I have wasted way too much time trying to control what I can’t, and not doing what makes me happy. Use your precious control to change the one person that matters—YOU!

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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