In 1827, Edwin Beard Budding invented the lawnmower. I wonder what yards looked like before then. I guess grass wasn’t something one nurtured like we do now like babies—watering, pruning, feeding, reseeding… Yikes, my front yard is more like a crop of various weeds, than it is grass. But as you may have figured, the beard I’m talking about isn’t Edwin.
I went out with a great new girlfriend last night for dinner and drinks. She is beautiful, lovely, fun, and just a treat for a gay man to hang with. We dished and laughed until our two margaritas ran out, and she had to pick up her young boy from football practice. In those times I wondered what the hot waiter thought about us. Was she my girlfriend, date, or just a beard? My friend told me the waiter was looking at me every time I turned away. HMMM. He looked familiar too. I was hoping this guy wasn’t someone I almost knew but was too wasted to remember in my youthful times of little integrity.
Beards are budding all over the place. I have never known a time in my life when married men are more on the down low than ever. If you were to go on any gay dating or hook-up site, the majority of the users are married, have headless pictures to protect their anonymity, and obviously have given up on the idea that they should be true to their wives, who by now are just beards for these gay men. Yes, you heard me. Just because a married man can have the occasional “date night” sex to satisfy a wife, doesn’t mean he is straight. Most of these guys will not be able to sexually perform with the wife after a while and end up divorced at fifty.
If you are one of these wives who has a husband not able to perform, Cialis and testosterone are probably not going to help in the long run.
When I was single, I decided I was only going to go on dating sites for gay men where the men were truly interested in relationships. Yes, these sites exist: “OKCupid.com, Compatiblepartners.com, Onegoodlove.com are three I remember.
After I met the “five” available compatible men in Nashville looking for relationship, I decided to move on to the trendier gay app sites. This is when I was inundated with straight men pretending to be single. Fortunately, I had read Amir Levine’s book, “Attached.” because I asked the proper questions immediately and the news came flashing by like lightning: “Yes, I’m married, but I’m sure I can have a relationship with your, without her knowledge… We have kids and I can’t leave her… She’s my best friend… I’d never want to hurt her…” You name it, it has been said to me about these wives. Not just a couple times. Probably more like 20 times in a period of a year.
One was so bold to even invite me to meet the wife. I think maybe this one wanted to have a bit of a three-way or was awfully good at deception. Goodness. Above and beyond the obvious, having a wife as a beard is a grand guffaw in Life Authentic. You can’t be yourself, you will never be able to be yourself, and no one in your life truly knows you and loves you for who you really are if you can’t be who you truly are. How good does that feel?
I have had a few clients who were married and came out to me. Some, I was thinking, really… I could see that you were gay from the telephone! Others, maybe not. But, when it comes right down to it, if you are with someone because of your children and because of a traditional believe in a religion, you are doing a disservice to your wife and children and mostly to yourself, because everyone in your life really need to see you have courage and guts to be yourself and be proud of it.
Unfortunately, religion has much to do with our down low friends. They figure it would be easier to live in a world where they are perceived as straight and have gay dalliances only when they can’t hold on to their desire any longer without bursting into flames. They figure God will forgive a life where they are, at least, trying to follow the perceived laws of God.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you were God, which person would you grant mercy to: the one who was trying with all his heart to discover his authentic self and relationship to God, or the man who hid in dark rooms, on gay hook-up sites, and asked forgiveness every two weeks for the same sin?
My odds are on the first man!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.
Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!