As a child I found refuge in my bedroom closet, a magical place that led to an elevated door, a gateway to the scary attic, right above my bedroom. On the bottom row of the closet hung my tiny clothes. On the top row, my older brother Mark’s. I could sit below the fort that my pants made, keeping me from all of the mess outside that door. My youngest sister would often accompany there. We would play games by the ambient rays of my LiteBrite!
When I have dreams as an adult, I often find myself back in that closet, listening and viewing the past from the safe place of my childhood fortress. Sometimes the dreams are a mirror of what happened as a child. Other times, the entire family is moving. More often than not, the dreams are about moving and never getting to a destination. However, we are all on a moving truck and the furniture in the truck almost appears as a mobile home, as if we were living in the ever moving, never healed past.
Lately, my husband and I have been praying specifically about our dreams. We have asked that the angels or spirits involved in helping us find our way through the mess of the past would lead us OUT of the same patterns and dreams.
Two days after praying about a shift in the dreams, our dreams have both shifted to a present or a future modality. The past two nights my husband has been in most of my dreams, as they were very lucid. At one point we were traveling through my past in a car. However, we got to a road that I thought led somewhere specific, but it was a dead end. Immediately, I understood—even in my subconscious dreaming state—that the past was simply a dead end. It will never lead to anything but more past and more pain.
It’s time to end the drama of recapitulating the past to find answers and move the hell forward with life!
It’s not as if I haven’t come to this conclusion a million times. However, last night my subconscious actually understood, as well. Hallelujah!
My question, however, is: Can the past ever be your friend? Does the past ever share with you lessons you have learned? The answer is, of course. But do we have to hold on to the “good” past to keep the lessons learned? This is the real issue.
Once, I had a shaman lead me through an ancient ritual during an hypnosis session. I began as a child and walked down a long hallway of doors through all of the stages of my life. In my right hand was a basket. As I walked forward and continued getting older—moving toward a beautiful light in the distance—people appeared to me out from the doors who had made either a good or a negative impression on my life. Each of these people would place in my basket something that signified what he or she had done to impact my life.
Of course, by the time I was an adult, the basket became filled with objects, becoming so heavy that it took two hands to carry it down the hallway. Nearer to the light now, the people coming out of the doors carrying negative memories waned, as more and more beautiful, spiritual people would hand me feathers and angel’s wings, weighing nothing.
When I reached the light, an angel stood by the doorway. As she opened the door to paradise, I could see that there was a chasm between me and the heavenly plane. The angel said that I would have to run and leap as high as I could to get to the next plane of spiritual existence.
It became readily clear to me that I could never get to the next place with this very heavy basket in my hands. Yes, all the memories both good and bad were there. The basket was significant. However, if I didn’t put down all of the memories, I could never jump to the next level. Ultimately, I placed the basket filled with all of my memories, good and bad, and leaped into the arms of a loving presence.
What I learned was that bad memories are heavy and try to weigh you down with every step you move forward. Their purpose is to keep you in the past and fill your mind with enough about the past to keep you out of the present and the purpose of your life.
The good memories, even though they hold the love and beauty of peaceful time are no longer needed as well. Both serve the same purpose whenever you compare the past with living in the now. The example I think of is trying to take a picture of a moment on a vacation that you want to remember. As you are organizing your camera and shooting the shot, you miss the moment that was happening to your right or left that was even more fantastic. Memories are meant to be called up for a moment to aid us in learning lessons. They are like looking through files for a receipt. Find it. Figure out the problem. Then, move on!
Both the good and bad past can hold you back from the now and from attaining the highest place in your spiritual consciousness!