Tag: reality tv

Reality TV or Drama: Do We Know the Difference?

I spent the last couple of days on the set of a commercial shoot for a major car company. The set was filled with professional actors and actresses, technicians, directors, and artists. To perfect one 30-second commercial, the entire crew worked for a total of 16-18 hours on production. This does not count pre-production and post production editing, which could be hundreds more hours. Within the 16 hours I was involved, we filmed and acted the same scene from different points of view and perspectives for about 8 hours, making sure the lighting and every action was not only perfect, but also so the director/editor would have plenty of takes to choose from while making the final project.

We reenacted the same emotions and actions down to the tiniest hand movement and head position.

I mention this because I want to give you an example of real reality. When a reality TV show is filmed, how often do you think the “real fight, emotion, and outtakes” actually take to film? You can often tell by how many times the perspective changes. If there were no mistakes or hiccups in the initial reactions, the steps it takes to get a well-oiled clip to show as “real” are many. We think we are watching reality TV. We, however, are probably watching people reacting as if it’s reality, then acting the scene over and over again until it’s dramatic enough to show on television.

I believe the same is happening in real lives, all around us. We expect reality—even our fights—to be perfectly choreographed, enough to be viewed and discussed.

Continue reading below.

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Continued from Above:

Your personal life can often present itself as a version of reality instead of what you actually feel in the moment you experience the emotions. Let’s say that the organic feeling is the Reality, and the version you project onto your true feelings and the actual actions—is the DRAMA.

For Example:

You have been observing the actions and words of a friend or partner for a week. He seems to be indicating that he is dissatisfied with you drinking too much. It appears that every time you head to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of wine, he comments on it. His comments are innocuous, but you have stored up emotions and counted each time subconsciously he mentions your drinking.

You have a bad day. You sit down to dinner and realize you have forgotten your glass of wine, which really needed right then. Just as you get up, your partner reaches for your hand to say a blessing for the food, and you suddenly feel guilty—like he is pitting your desire to drink with your relationship with God and spirituality.

Instead of praying, you ended up lashing out at him for everything you have been feeling about his drinking comments.

The lover looks at you as if you are crazy, not understanding at all what you are talking about. Your partner  begins to question his own intent. Suddenly, you both are quiet, eating, not praying, and feeling sick to the stomach.

The silence continues until just before bedtime, when one partner goes into the other and says, “Hey, are we actually going to stay mad at each other for something I don’t even understand?”

In the example above: The entire beginning of the fight and what led to the disagreement was imagined. It wasn’t reality at all. The authentic reality and the real conversation began when the DRAMA was over and the question was asked, “Why are we fighting?”

The Buddha says:

When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment and cut the cycle of retribution that would otherwise keep us ensnarled in an ugly samsaric wrestling match. This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done.

Ultimately, I don’t believe any couple wants to be in constant turmoil. Yet most people find it hard to get back to reality in relationship, because of our eschewed ideas about what reality is.

Reality IS NOT COMMENTARY about something. Reality is the NOW. Reality is NOT REACTIVE, it is CONTEMPLATIVE and understanding, most times. The jumping to conclusions and our stories about what’s really going on in our lives are often mistaken as our reality.

I know this scenario is not always the case, but after life coaching for 30 years, I realize that unraveling a person’s feelings and story about an incident in relationship often leads me to the real problem, which doesn’t look much like the fight or the reaction at all.

The reality is deeply seated, coming up from past pain or an infliction from the past.

To get to a real place of commitment and love, we have to be transparent with our partners about all things present and past so that each person in the relationship can be prepared to step away from the perceived battle long enough and clearly enough to look for the answers to the problem from a healthy perspective.

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Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available.

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books.

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You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

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Coming soon, my partner David Menton and I are planning to start a Vlog with Vegetable Based enriched recipes from my plethora of fun and easy ways to make food taste amazing. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

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#Perfectionism: Polishing Doorknobs #sytycd #realitytv

I have known people who are so meticulous about cleaning that they even will polish a doorknob or two, just to give the room an added shimmer. I can’t imagine having enough time in a day or the care to do such a meaningless action. Yet some, especially when trying to sell a home or get a room ready for a big party, will go to the nth degree to give their place that perfect look. I’m more apt to be the dude who will put something front and center that is absolutely imperfect—like a chipped vase—because I don’t think anyone feels comfortable in perfection.

I watched the performance finale of “So You Think You Can Dance,” last night. The producers showcased each of the four finalists with a five-minute autobiographical segment of their journeys to get to the finals. One young man who has had nothing but praise the entire season shared that his journey was more difficult in the process, because he has had to live up to perfection every show. From the first audition, I kept thinking Ricky would be the winner. However, now that I had watched the last dances, I’m beginning to wonder if America would settle on an underdog instead of the frontrunner.

If you watch any reality television that includes some kind of talent contest, America tends to always pick a person who has been less than perfect, rather than spot on. Have you ever thought about why the guy or girl who cracked or sang flat when singing her last song usually wins over the person who was perfect?

Who can relate to perfection? If you have had a narcissistic guardian or teacher in your past, you may think that perfection is the goal. But, when the time comes down to choosing the person who most deserves to win, we will all pick a contestant who has grown in the contest and who is less than perfect, because we can relate. You’ve heard the Salvador Dali quote, “Have no fear of perfection; you’ll never reach it!” That’s you! That’s me!

When you settle in to the idea that perfection isn’t the goal in your life, you may consider a more attainable goal: PEACE! Joy! Truth! Passion! All of these choices require authenticity, but not perfection.

When I sit down to meditate, I don’t have a goal in mind. I simply desire for quiet and to download some of God’s awesome insight into my mind. When I seek for Joy, I simply reach into my heart for what would make me happy in any particular moment. When I search for truth, I let the universe reveal it in the metaphors of life. And, finally, when I live for passion, I don’t start off aggressive and teeming with desire; I begin a slow course in discovery of something or someone new. In this mysterious unveiling, passion comes without my help.

So, today, choose to polish something worth shining. Begin to take off those cobwebs on your social and spiritual life. Chip off the corrosion that keeps the door hinges to your happiness and joy from opening wide to your bountiful and delicious life!

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The name of this book is the brand for all of my books, because perfection is never the goal. We all have a unique and wonderful way to get to our passion and joy. My goal is to help you find ways to clear the path so you can see your awesome future. Try this book and its 365 Daily Discoveries! Buy it Now!

[Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle: ]

 

 

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An Original Lifetime Movie: My Life #Lifetime #dramaqueen #drama

Recently, a literary agent e-mailed me, asking if my story was true, because he had a Lifetime producer looking for real tales about real people. He asked me to write a paragraph about my life and send it to him to pitch to this producer. Here is what I wrote:

At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day, I heard a still small voice say, “I cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further inside to find me, and you will find your Authentic Self.” On that day, I left religion, came out of the closet, and began a journey of travel, temporary work, and a study of many religions and psychology. I also began writing, editing, and journaling—particularly dreams, as Carl Jung became a favorite author. One year before 9-11, I had a dream I was in a stairwell, running down the steps with many people screaming and crying. I asked a frantic man what had happened. He yelled, “A plane crashed into the building! Get out fast!” It took almost six months for my partner (who worked in the World Trade Center) and I to finally move to Nashville, Tennessee, where I would teach yoga and be a clinical hypnotherapist and life coach.  When you grow up in the GLBT community, you learn early not to judge quickly, as you have been judged unfairly, which opened my mind up to more possibility and my heart to more personal discovery—especially spiritually. My highest calling is definitely helping people get rid of the blocks that keep them from Finding Authentic You—Real Advice for an Authentic Life, which is the name of my book.

I realized, after I wrote this paragraph, that my story didn’t seem real at all. In fact, I felt as if I had fabricated a fictional representation of my own life, because the facts seemed much bigger than life. Yet, each one of my truths, bigger than the next, all seemed to gather in a large mess in the center of the page and look like an unscripted reality show called: The Real Lives of a Southern Homosexual Housewife.

Every good story takes a protagonist, a person who becomes our hero. To go against the will of the hero—making the plot thicken—a story needs an antagonist, which can be anything from God or nature, an evil partner, a narcissistic parent, or a job. When I look back at my life, the antagonists have been all of the above and more. I began to ask myself the question: “Am I a drama queen?” Then, I trembled in my shoes. Holy shit, this life coach has actually been through more drama than most of his clients! Damn, that was scary. Even scarier, I also recognized that telling my story had become a daily event. I have to recap and summarize my life over and over again to teach my clients not to end up on a dead end road. So, when I present the question: “Are you your story, or is your story you,” am I actually speaking to myself?

My story has created the compassion that solves problems for thousands of people. If I hadn’t had all these terrible things happen to me my entire life, I would never have had the real-life understanding to get into the deepest places of souls to help pave a new pathway toward the light and truth. So, I’m thankful for my past, but certainly don’t want to relive any more drama. I believe that sincerely.

I have many clients and some friends whose have lives that are one drama after another. Often, these dramas don’t even seem to be self-induced. One friend now has had great jobs disappear overnight because of downsizing, then he got fired from another, then had his pay docked at another for taking time to go to a funeral. He has had to move 7 times in three years. He asked me, “What am I doing wrong?” I had to really search for the answer to this question. Why? Life’s lessons are not situational. Our true dramas are to help us learn the hard lessons of human life.

To discover the answers to your hardest questions, you must be strong-willed enough to sit at the feet of Creator God and ask: “What do I need to do learn from this life’s lesson?” Usually, when after you ask, the answer is revealed. But you must listen and not be afraid to learn a hard lesson. When you hear from God (and this could be through the advice of someone else, in a dream, on a television show, through the metaphors of nature), then you must take this advice and utilize it to the nth degree. Then, and only then, will your life begin to change, as mine has.

Does this mean that the lessons will stop? Perhaps, not. But, I guarantee that the cycle of this same lesson happening over and over again, will discontinue. All Spirit needs is your undivided attention. When you listen to your heart and to the metaphors of your life, everything will change, including your Original Lifetime Movie!

[Chosen to show his new hypno-therapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and Given the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian, the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior, helps people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE. Challenge yourself with one of his 13 books, healing CDs (weight loss, meditation, smoke cessation and more) or his Yoga DVD on Amazon or Amazon/Kindle: Click Here to Go Directly to Amazon]

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