Tag: rejection

Being Unafraid of Loss

As I had spent a great deal of my professional time helping overweight people while I lived in Nashville, the number one issue for weight gain is holding in what you really feel. When your family members coerce you to do favors and bail them out of trouble, when your boss “depends” on only you to get all the extra work done, and when your partner chooses you to vent his anger, this is not a good time to begin shouldering everyone’s burdens. Trust me, you can live through the loss of a codependent friend or partner, but you can’t undo a heart attack from eating yourself into 150 extra pounds.

So much of my life, I have acted and responded in ways that would prevent loss in my life. If a friend treated me unfairly, I would consider how I responded, instead of being authentic or angry. The bottom line was that I was fearful of impending loss. At this present point in my life, I would rather lose what isn’t good or right and be open for what is right, than hold my tongue and be the perfect and steadfast friend who accepts all bullshit. I think the time of being a dumping ground for crap should be over for all of us.

I feel that moving to a new place with new chances at different choices is a great way for me to exercise this part of my decision-making process. I understand when a person married for twenty years comes to me overweight and upset because she had consumed 100% of her family’s problems—physically and mentally. She would have a much more difficult time of undoing and untying from her relationships than I may have severing ties with people I’ve only known for a couple of months. But sever you may have to do, or build some great boundaries that protect you long enough for you to regain your strength, stop stuffing down your problems with food, and take the power you need to heal yourself.

This power I refer to is a God-given right. It’s not something that you garner or gain. It’s a birthright you simply accept. When you do accept it, your entire world changes. Suddenly, you realize that your old paradigm of thought (I can be rejected, I live in loss, I will be alone) can no longer be the foundation of your life. It has never helped you. Perhaps, the relationships you have invested in your entire life have depleted you, instead of affording the right of a steady return.

Only one Power exists that is worth investing in and that is God. This power is the foundation of all and made purely and growing constantly with love. When you get in this flow, you also prosper and gain right relationship, because spirit sees what you can’t. The gift to you is that you trade in your ego understanding of relationship for the omniscient present of Spirit. When you allow yourself to be led and open to the guidance of this loving power, you will have all the strength you need to create a perfect NOW. This is your New Year’s resolution. This is the magnificence you have been longing for your entire life.

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A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

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Direction—NOT REJECTION! #startingover #gettingrejected #jobloss

One of my favorite affirmations is “Rejection is God’s Direction!” Just guess how long it took me to remember this affirmation when was I going through a pity-me moment? Almost five minutes! That’s right. My mind was so wrapped around the past, I couldn’t come out of myself and my hurt to see straight or to remember anything positive. Have you ever had one of those moments?

You have probably heard the affirmation: “When God closes one door, God opens another!” I believe this loving statement of truth as well. But, I couldn’t even think of it in the moment I needed it most. So, how are we to encourage ourselves out of a malaise of negativity when our own minds stymie our cognitive thought process to the point where it cuts off the very part of the brain that should be guiding us back to health? That is a very good question and deserves further investigation.

Without getting too deeply into the processes of the brain, you basically can’t be in the watchful side of the brain if your mind focuses solely on the past and your own personal hurt. To stay in the past and try to reorganize or imagine what you could have done differently, you must be in the cognitive or deductive side of the mind.

When I began to realize I needed to take my own advice and use self-soothing to get out of my despair, the first thing I did was begin to watch my breath. From there, I began to imagine watching myself from the perspective of the ceiling. I saw a human being human standing in the shower, crying. My first realization was not judgment. I simply realized the circumstantial place in which my human self stood. I began to say to myself, “Look. You have suffered a few losses this month. Your partner left you on Valentine’s day. You are concerned about your mother’s health. Your best friend moved away on Monday. Your humanness is grieving, as it probably should. That’s okay.”

In that moment of nonjudgement, I was amazed at how quickly I began to hear the affirmations of old come back to me. “This isn’t rejection, Bo. This is God’s direction.” My self-soothing could begin now that I wasn’t in the part of my brain functioning in emotion. So, to care for yourself, you must learn, through meditative practice, to get to the part of the mind that observes your Ego and humanness without judgement, much like standing atop a bridge at looking below at the water way.

The water way represents your mind. The fish swimming beneath you are your thoughts. If you are atop the bridge, you can easily separate yourself from the fast current and barrage of negative thoughts, because you are not swimming in them.

If you need help finding this nonjudgmental, observer mind, call me for help. I can teach you how to move from those looping negative thoughts and give you new hope. Bo Sebastian, Clinical Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, and Yogi. 615-400-2334.
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!

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Rejection—IS—Spirit’s Direction

When I look back in my life, every time I have been rejected, whether it be for a job, a show, a relationship, or a friendship, it has always been perfect direction toward something more permanent, more lasting, and better for me.

Rejection is a hard word for everyone. We hate it. No one likes to be told that he/she isn’t right for something or someone. It hurts like hell. In fact, it is probably one of the worst hurts we can feel.

The reason is most of us desire to have close relationships. We desire to be liked and appreciated with every bone in our bodies. So, when we are told that we don’t live up to someone’s standards or that someone else was better qualified, it makes us just want to crawl under the bed and hide. It certainly does to me.

But I’ve been thinking about how negative the word rejection is. I’ve been wondering why, even though I know inside that it is God’s direction, I have let my life be controlled by rejection. I want everyone to love me. I want everyone to be my friend. I want to be considered and hired for everything I audition for.

It’s what’s known as Anxious Attachment. The need to be loved and held at close proximity is in my neuro pathways.

When I was a child, my mother left my father at a young age. The person who provided the most loving and caring in my life, left without a trace. She sent me to the candy store. When I came back home, she was gone with all her belongings.

I had five brothers and sisters who she sent to the swimming pool. I felt sick to my stomach and didn’t want to go. I knew something was out of the ordinary down in my soul. I was thwarting her plans to escape without detection. However, she wooed me away by asking me to go to the store—the store that would take me a half an hour to get to and from it.

I felt responsible. I understood in my child mind that I was the one who could have kept my mother at home, had I not been so interested in candy. I had my chance and I didn’t take it. This left a scar in my brain that has kept me anxiously attached to just about everything.

Of course, I would initially pick as a profession—acting, singing and dancing in NYC. This path was rife with rejection. I never got used to it. I finally decided to move to Nashville, record a Christian album and write books.

What happened was that I thought Christianity would be a buffer for rejection. When I discovered that the Christian music industry was worse than the secular one, I was even more disoriented. Then with writing books, you just spend a year of your blood, sweat and tears churning out a 400-500 pages only to find—you guessed it—rejection again.

I’m not saying that I didn’t have times of acceptance. I have had great successes, which I am very thankful for. But I begin to wonder if this entire journey has been about resolving this one issue—REJECTION!

When I use logic and reasoning, I see that rejection is only God’s direction. If I believe firmly in the concept that God and Spirit are steering me into the place I need to go where I will be aptly blessed and learn tremendous life lessons, there is no other way to look at this truth.

However, if I have an anxious, disoriented, or avoidant attachment in my life, this is the only autonomic response that acts in the body without reason or thought. It is alive like having your own active volcano inside. When you get triggered, there is little to do but let it come out and feel it.

However, I have been using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitation Reprossessing) to change the patterns and the amount of time I stay disoriented and sad. The system works.

I’d be happy to help you with it and hypnosis, if you are dealing with some pain of this nature. It’s almost miraculous if you can find yourself strong enough to take a different pathway in those times of disorientation or anxiety.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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