Tag: relationship advice

Love’s Illusions

Nothing is more ephemeral than the kind of love that #sexual_attraction garners. With sexual attraction a fire ignites that often cannot be stopped before the phase of relationship that should take time and energy, stabilizing and balancing the sexual component.

In other words, the foundation of relationship must be founded in trust, security, friendship, and yes attraction to each other’s light and personality. If I were to choose which one of these will stop a relationship from growing, it would be the sexual part.

Our illusion is solely based on what we see in dramas and in movies. Think about it. A movie writer has less than two hours to get two characters to fall in love, have some antagonist pull them apart, then they return to love again. This is the usual content of a movie. In real life, this would often happen in 7 to 8 years, not moments. But we experience life and love at a fleeting pace, which is certainly the world’s worst illusion for those of us who truly desire secure love.

I can honestly say, as the song says, “I’ve looked at love from both sides now,” and can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, there is no illusions in true love. Every moment is raw and organic. Life is an adventure. Even the boring parts are times of growing to deeper depths of emotion and eventful joy.

Dave and I were recently trapped in our condo during Hurricane Irma for 3-5 days without going many places. We took a couple of walks, but even that was difficult because of all the debris strewn about. At one point I suggested, “Do you want to play cards by candlelight?”

This time created by a natural disaster, begat some of the best moments of our relationship, times we will cherish and bind us closer and closer. However, had we not taken almost a year to get to know each other and find a lasting friendship and prayer partnership, I could see that in those times of distress, we could have ended up becoming an annoyance to each other, rather than the joyful partner who dances in the rain.

If you are in a relationship and feel as if you missed the opportunity to find this kind of foundational security, you haven’t. But your partner has to be on board to begin the exploration phase of the relationship, to ask the questions and field the hard answers you only get when love isn’t at stake.

If you are not in a relationship yet, daily imagine a person that is right for you in all (sow the seeds of love), not just the right chest size, height, muscles, and smile. Honestly, when I was blind to love, I found the friend and partner who has shown me the most love I’ve ever experienced in my life.

 

He didn’t expect it. I didn’t forsee it. And yet, the universal pull of love gently brought us quietly and organically into the warmest embrace I’ve ever known. 

True love has no illusion.

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Change, the Key to Happiness!

This is a painting I completed today. I didn’t paint two months ago. Tree years ago, I was a life coach, clinical hypnotherapist and vocal coach in Nashville for 28 years. Today marks the 3rd anniversary of me selling my home in Nashville after 28 years there and moving to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I wouldn’t have even remembered it was the exact day had Facebook not reminded me this morning. This news started out my day with an introspection I didn’t expect.

At this present moment, my life is better than it has ever been. Three years ago, I was making the most difficult decision of my life—to leave my well established business, my dearest friends, my beloved home with five amazing gardens, my church home, and all the things that made sense to me. For what? I had absolutely no idea.

In fact, the decision to leave came suddenly. I was trying to get my mother to move to Florida to live with her three daughters, because I had felt as if I had fulfilled my duty taking care of her for many years. My sisters were willing to take on the responsibility, but my mother didn’t want to leave me or Nashville.

I’m her baby boy who treated her like a queen, most of the time. But my patience with my own personal life was growing thin. I was getting older and still hadn’t found the relationship I had dreamed of at 52. The only obstacle standing in the way was living with my mother. Asking my mother to leave the home she had known for 12 years was a difficult and guilt-ridden decision to make.

My baby sister suggested that I move down to Florida to make the transition easier for my mother. I had just broken up with a man who told me in the shower on Valentine’s Day that he wasn’t sure I was the one. At that point in my life, I had to throw up my arms, open my heart, and decide that I must not be listening; otherwise, I would understand how to find someone who was sincere about commitment and monogamy.

I had given great advice to clients my entire career, but in my personal life, I seemed to always end up with something missing in my relationships. Not for a lack of trying, I discovered that maybe—just maybe—I needed a enormous change.

I sent my mother and dog to Florida to get settled, first, while I sold my home of 8 years. After 3-4 months on the market and much packing, the house sold for a little less than I had expected, but suddenly I was on a plane to a new home in a sunny state that I hadn’t even seen.

This kind of change, if made with Spirit, can create an entirely new life for anyone. For me, this was exactly what I needed:

  1. I began going to classes, taking time away from what I had known as normal, and simply listened to the small voice inside.
  2. My meditations became longer.
  3. My yoga practice took on a new level of importance in my life.
  4. I began to study Spanish about 3 hours a day.
  5. I volunteered at a New Thought church and began taking spiritual classes.
  6. Most importantly, though, I had decided that there were a few things on my bucket list I needed to accomplish before I gave up on those particular gifts completely.

Suddenly, I launched head first into a brand new life, near family, which was a first. I hadn’t ever experienced what life was like to be near the majority of my family, supporting me and facilitating the ability to take almost two years to discover myself anew at 55 years of age.

  1. What an amazing delight to find my husband along this newfound path.
  2. I’m married now.
  3. I’m pursuing an artistic career that is rife with change and trust every day.
  4. I live in a beautiful condo facing Florida’s largest lake.
  5. I have published 16 books and one yoga video.
  6. I paint.
  7. I volunteer teaching chair yoga at my condo.
  8. I play the piano at the club here in the condo village on Friday evenings.
  9. I have been in 13 commercials since I moved down here.
  10. I starred in one stage show.
  11. Was a music minister for a large church for almost 2 years; and most importantly,
  12. Still haven’t stopped learning and changing.

This is the key to life, my friends:

Never stop learning. Never stop changing. Meditate every day, asking to be the answer to the world’s problems, and don’t be afraid to ask for happiness and peace. Abundance is all around all of us. If you and I ask, Spirit will show us how to create a life that is always worth living. 

No one knows how long anything will last in life. But I’m absolutely sure I’m living my life one day at a time, with joy overflowing, peace as the undercurrent to a life that is completely led by Spirit.

Namaste.

 

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Awaken to Deeper Love

Last night I had the most transparent conversation I had ever had in my life. I shared from the deepest place of insecurity and pain. Yet, it was as if I began to rise from my own body, out of the shadows of my own humanity, and into the arms of the truest, #deepestLove I’ve ever experienced. Allowing light into the depths of my insecurity allowed healing to begin in ways unexplainable.

I’ve always known that true love would be a place of #divine_healing. You find that person with whom you can tell your life story and he not only doesn’t blink. He completely understands. Some kind of deep sense of security builds to a place where you begin to erect the foundation of a church where only you and he can enter, pray, and feel the presence of Divine Energy heal you. I’ve known it existed, but never experienced it to the extent that I recently have.

 

In the past, love had always begun with attraction. From that attraction, intimacy grew (usually physical intimacy). From that physical intimacy, the feeling of security began to gestate. However, by the time I was sharing my most intimate thoughts, I was also wondering if that one new love with whom I was developing feeling would leave or abandon me if he or she didn’t resonate with my story.

 

So, I colored my story, created shades of truth that can be switched, shifted, and changed if things didn’t go right in the telling. I’ve lived my life on this premise. I have spent years in relationship (up to 8 years) never sharing my deepest fears or my shallowest thoughts. Because of my mistake about relationship, I must share my experience.

 

When you start from the premise of securing the right of passage to your secret place in the heart with someone, BEFORE you express sexuality and sensuality, true intimacy happens authentically.

I liken this to planting a seed in the beautiful, hearty soil. We don’t get to tell the seed when to sprout, when to take root, stay alive or die, to flower, or bear fruit. The seed and the earth do this in authentic timing, in the perfect timing. When you are anxious for relationship and love, you may find yourself forcing the natural law of action. When you are experiencing avoidant love, you may find yourself never staying around long enough to see if your love can bear fruit.

However, when you find security in a friendship, the foundation you lay in your life is preeminently the place where all good things grow and have room to flourish. This is true love. This is the kind of love that marriage ultimately should be.

If you read my Easter blog yesterday (“Risen”), you can see in this blog that sometimes marriage takes you down paths that crack you open and give you the opportunity to grow if you take it. My husband and I experienced and felt we had a death, buried it, and resurrected it in the short time I was in the hospital over Easter weekend. Our Easter experience was unlike anything we have ever had known. For this, I’m thankful for waking up with the worst pain in my heart, for being forced to take an Uber to the Emergency room at 5:30 a.m., and for being poked and prodded for hours with machines and needles.

Love cracked me open and found a place that I hadn’t given over to the process. Love searched my heart, knew my desire for total transparency, and provided the perfect place, the securest place to transform and evolve. Who would have imagined it would have been in the four desolate walls of a hospital room?

Love has found me. Love has awakened my heart. Today I stand taller, feel happier, and expect more of life than I have ever expected. Today, I challenge you to plant the seeds of authentic, secure love.

Don’t hasten to watch them grow. Let nature take its course. Keep your heart open. Keep your mind open to experiences you wouldn’t usually allow for yourself.

Let the light of wisdom and spirituality (through meditation and guidance) lead you to the deepest healing process ever.

 

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You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

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Coming soon, my partner David Menton and I are planning to start a Vlog with Vegetable Based enriched recipes from my plethora of fun and easy ways to make food taste amazing. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

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