Tag: Safe Boundaries

Distinguishing Boundaries #boundaries #spiritualadvice #personalpower #newthought

To know your boundaries is to know your Truth. Without boundaries in life, you will lack security and peace. Each of you has personal boundaries to keep you safe. These boundaries may keep you from certain people or from certain situations, but they are never judgments. Boundaries predict your point of safety. Without them, you will live a life with consistent anxiety.

How do you delineate these boundaries in your life?

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I would recommend the following steps:

  1. Make a list of the most important ideals you have in your life. (Examples: peace, joy, telling the truth, helping others…)
  2. These ideals are the parameters with which you make your boundaries in life. Imagine that they surround you like a large protective bubble.
  3. When you get approached by someone or have the opportunity to make a choice in a day, what automatically should happen is that you should distinguish if this ACT falls within your set of safe boundaries.
  4. If it does not fall within your bubble, ask yourself the questions why? Reflect on how the thought of what you might do makes you feel inside. Can you distinguish the exact issue that comes up that places you outside of your comfort zone?
  5. Once you are authentic and real with yourself about your discomfort, the last step in the process is to decide if stepping outside of your boundary would be moving toward your personal growth or moving back into an old behavior that has never served you.

Once you have discovered the final step, you will know with certainty whether you should take a step back or a step forward.

An example in my recent past is a simple one. I was feeling a little lonely and felt an old urge to want to go out to a bar. I’m not a big drinker, but bars have never served me unless I was out with a bunch of friends, just playfully hanging out. To go out by myself had always brought the same feeling—loneliness.

I neglected the rumblings in my stomach and the racing of my pulse and drove to the bar anyway. When I walked into the bar, I felt old feelings of youth, but with that was also the old feeling of needing to be accepted. The situation did not mirror my renewed mind that would say that “you are already at peace and accepted. You don’t need a stranger to be interested in you to give you self-esteem!”

I realized this as I stood alone. I put down my drink and simply left the bar. This space in time was outside of my safe parameters. It no longer served me and was exactly contrary to what I wanted to attract in my life.

As I say this, I must also share that this does not reflect a judgment of any kind for those who go out to bars. Plenty of people were having fun and enjoying themselves. I was not. I was not following my heart into a place of peace and safety in that moment. Perhaps, at another time, I may have felt safe. At that moment, this choice was out of my safe boundary zone.

To choose safe boundaries in your life, you must first understand the five steps outlined above to keep yourself moving in the right direction. Safe boundaries are always a good thing for every individual. Driving home, I felt a strong sense of security, peace, and personal growth—all things that define great boundaries.

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My new book is coming out in just one month: “Your New Story, Your New Life” The Metaphysical Mind. If you want to be the first to read this story, sign up for the launch mailing list at mailto:BoSebastian5@gmail.com.Screen Shot 2016-05-11 at 10.04.32 AM

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Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

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A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…cropped-cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

 

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Boundaries: Living Your Truth #boundaries #safeboundaries #DivineMind #SpiritualLiving

Nowhere in life deserves more importance than living your truth within the safe boundaries you have constructed. These boundaries help maintain your intimate security and, ultimately, your health and sanity.

I used to co-facilitate a group for the morbidly obese, dealing with struggles around maintaining weight loss after bariatric and Lapband surgeries. For most of the participants and, particularly for those who were preparing for the surgery, the class was a mandated requirement.

Here is what I learned:

The result of not maintaining safe boundaries is addiction!

This could be addiction to food, as it was with this group, or drugs, or alcohol or cigarettes, or a combination of many of these. But people who give away their power, take it back with addictive behavior.

You might not be able to control your mother, but you can control how much food you eat. You might not be able to control how your husband treats you, but you can control that bottle of vodka when he leaves. You may not be able to control your boss, but you can control that cigarette on your 10-minute break at work.

When you think of your greatest assets in life, you want to protect them. You get safety deposit boxes for documents and stocks and diamonds. But, when you have highly discernable truth that you must maintain, you give it away on the street corner, not thinking once about how valuable it is. Then, you wonder why you have gained 50 pounds.

For me, nowhere is this more prevalent than in my 10 extra pounds that comes on and off as I release my boundaries over and over again to people in my life whom I love and want to please. But, these same people keep bulldozing over every safe boundary that I construct.

Every time I get frustrated, I eat. I can exercise for two hours a day and keep the majority of the weight off, but ultimately, that weight sneaks up on me. Suddenly, the ten pounds is back to remind me that I am not taking care of my heart and, ultimately, letting my safe boundaries slip away—again.

In a life where every day the future seems to get bleaker and less safe, the least we can do for ourselves is provide safe measures in which to live a healthy and sane life. Below is a good way to begin this process:

  1. Today, make a list of ways people tread over your boundaries.
  2. Using this list, find ways you can take back your power.
  3. Most importantly, begin to take steps forward to regain your power.

***

Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.

 

Protein Powered Veg - picGLUTEN FREE COVER

You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.

 

* * *

 cropped-6009Color1001.jpg

A Single Session w/Bo Sebastian

What would you feel like if everyday you loved yourself a little more…

What would you be if you loved and gave compassion unconditionally… to yourself first and then to others?

If you could imagine yourself so connected to God Source that everything you thought and every action you completed you trusted could heal yourself and, ultimately the world around you?

Create a Better Life with One Healing Session with Bo Sebastian

Call 954-253-6493 (All Sessions are done via PHONE, SKYPE or FACETIME.)

www.bosebastian.com

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

 

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With Whom Do You Keep Company – On Friendships

With Whom Do You Keep Company?

Have you ever been in someone’s company that just made you feel antsy and uncomfortable? Or have you ever had a friend with whom you were never able to let your guard down?

I postulate that there may be a subconscious barrier between you and that person that is influencing your physical body. What you may feel is underlying fear for the person. What your body may be experiencing is a fight or flight impulse, which produces adrenaline and cortisol, the hormones that protect us from harm.

Now, why would a friend or someone you barely know create such a negative response in your body? That is the big question.

(My dear friend Dr. Susan Sinclair and I were having a deep conversation, from which this blog was written. )

Susan started the conversation by telling me that she noticed that when she met gay people that they often had a sense of strong boundaries, almost fear, until she let them know that she was gay-friendly. After which, they were as congenial as they could be. This was the fodder for much of our conversation.

I shared a story… I remember a time when I had a student who studied voice with me for about three years. She would hug me and tell me she loved me. We talked and cut up like we were best friends. The fact is, I truly thought she was a good friend. One day, a couple years after she quit vocal lessons, I was at a restaurant with my partner waiting for a table with a group of friends. She, too, was waiting with her husband for a table. I introduced my partner to her, before he excused himself to go to the restroom.

As soon as my partner left me alone with her, the young woman told me that she “loved me,” but thought I was going to go to hell for being gay and that she thought it was her responsibility to tell me so—IN THE BAR OF THE RESTAURANT HOLDING A APPLETINI.

To tell you the truth, I can’t remember exactly how I responded, but incredulous was one of the many bad feelings. I simply couldn’t believe that someone would lay that on me in a restaurant, and that someone I knew and cut up with about men for three years would say that to a friend, even if she believed it to be true. But there I was left with a cut in my heart about four inches deep, bloodied and not so ready for dinner.

I noticed that, ever since that moment, every time a person makes a point of telling me that he or she is a Christian, I take two steps back and one to the right, even though I, too, am a Christian. It’s just that I don’t know what kind of Christian that person is or what kind of artillery he or she might be hiding in their arsenal of so-called prayerful deeds. So, I get that feeling of anxiety and stress that you get when you are uncomfortable with someone—anxious—until I know better. That experience that I shared had happened to me not once, but about ten times.

So, what kind of responsibility do we have as compassionate beings when we get around someone who is of a different ilk, color, political party, religion, or sexual preference than we, to let them know that we are okay with whomever they choose to be—without judgment?

Can we create a sign or a handshake that signifies we are cool and down with it when we meet? Can we wear a pin or a purple rubber band?

Or should we just politely work into the conversation that we are not the type of person that judges anything or anybody? That might help. I know it would make me feel more comfortable.

Think about it: I’m a gay man, Christian, spiritual, democratic, Italian, Yogi, I guess kind of “not so tough,” soft spoken, brittle to the bone and easily bruised… I could be targeted in so many ways. It’s a wonder I’m not walking around in a suit of armor. And there are plenty of people who are wearing their addiction, minority, political proclivity, and sexual preference on their head like a hat made of a cornucopia of fruit.

What of them? Can you imagine some of their fear?

In a day when we have the opportunity to be more compassionate than we have ever been before, let us take note that if we want people to be comfortable around us, it may be our responsibility to help them see we aren’t judging them in any way. If you notice that someone around you is feeling a little anxious, it might just be that they don’t know where you stand with who they are sexually, politically, ethnically, etc. This is your cue to let them know that you are a nonjudgmental human being ready to accept them for exactly who they choose to be or were created to be.

The conversation with my friend Susan turned out to be a great eye-opener for me. I realized that it might be my individual, as well, to discover what scares me about specific kinds of people, and not clump them all together. I should give each person a chance to be an individual with his or her own perspective without me judging them, as well.

I do know, however, that there are specific kinds of people and judgments that I do not want in my life ever again. And I will make laws against letting people in my life who choose to judge me or have the audacity to tell me or the world what God thinks of me—his own creation.

I believe we should all make these laws. And we should ban together against those who choose to take away our God-given rights to be individuals. We would all be more at peace and our hearts would be still and know that love conquers all negativity.

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