To know your boundaries is to know your Truth. Without boundaries in life, you will lack security and peace. Each of you has personal boundaries to keep you safe. These boundaries may keep you from certain people or from certain situations, but they are never judgments. Boundaries predict your point of safety. Without them, you will live a life with consistent anxiety.
How do you delineate these boundaries in your life?
I would recommend the following steps:
- Make a list of the most important ideals you have in your life. (Examples: peace, joy, telling the truth, helping others…)
- These ideals are the parameters with which you make your boundaries in life. Imagine that they surround you like a large protective bubble.
- When you get approached by someone or have the opportunity to make a choice in a day, what automatically should happen is that you should distinguish if this ACT falls within your set of safe boundaries.
- If it does not fall within your bubble, ask yourself the questions why? Reflect on how the thought of what you might do makes you feel inside. Can you distinguish the exact issue that comes up that places you outside of your comfort zone?
- Once you are authentic and real with yourself about your discomfort, the last step in the process is to decide if stepping outside of your boundary would be moving toward your personal growth or moving back into an old behavior that has never served you.
Once you have discovered the final step, you will know with certainty whether you should take a step back or a step forward.
An example in my recent past is a simple one. I was feeling a little lonely and felt an old urge to want to go out to a bar. I’m not a big drinker, but bars have never served me unless I was out with a bunch of friends, just playfully hanging out. To go out by myself had always brought the same feeling—loneliness.
I neglected the rumblings in my stomach and the racing of my pulse and drove to the bar anyway. When I walked into the bar, I felt old feelings of youth, but with that was also the old feeling of needing to be accepted. The situation did not mirror my renewed mind that would say that “you are already at peace and accepted. You don’t need a stranger to be interested in you to give you self-esteem!”
I realized this as I stood alone. I put down my drink and simply left the bar. This space in time was outside of my safe parameters. It no longer served me and was exactly contrary to what I wanted to attract in my life.
As I say this, I must also share that this does not reflect a judgment of any kind for those who go out to bars. Plenty of people were having fun and enjoying themselves. I was not. I was not following my heart into a place of peace and safety in that moment. Perhaps, at another time, I may have felt safe. At that moment, this choice was out of my safe boundary zone.
To choose safe boundaries in your life, you must first understand the five steps outlined above to keep yourself moving in the right direction. Safe boundaries are always a good thing for every individual. Driving home, I felt a strong sense of security, peace, and personal growth—all things that define great boundaries.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]