Tag: secrets

A Path of Secrets

Listening with both ears, your eyes, and your heart in this world doesn’t seem to be enough when someone is serious about hiding from you what is only his.

We met after a rigorous conversation about everything from lost hope and dreams to Italian weddings, a heritage we both shared. It was as if our paths were meant to converge, meant to entangle, meant to share footprints, at least. He was one of those souls that just kind of clicked—knowing my tale before I said it, because he, perhaps walked along the path with me in some parallel universe. I adore those kinds of meetings and was excited to actually forge a new path forward.

We decided on a nature walk on a beautiful pre-spring day amidst trees thirsty for strength to flower and blossom. Mallard ducks and turtles covered the lake as the swift wind pushed us forward on a cedar-mulched path of instant discovery.

He wasn’t a person I’d imagine myself curled up around on the couch. He was the dear brother-type, the pal who you tell your secrets to. So secrets we told. One revelation followed the next. Questions from both of us were bold and unrestrained. Answers were just as deft, no details left for discovery.

By the time the hour-long walk was finished I felt like I knew him even almost completely. Then I asked this question, something that I had failed to ask before, but lingered in my mind: So, does your ninety-year-old mother know you’re gay?

His answer: “I’m not. Well, at least I’m bi.”

Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about my new friend was askew and plundered with disappearing ink. “So, have you ever been married?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, nodding.

“Children?” I asked, glaring at him now, as his face disappeared toward the woods.

“Three. All grown up and out of the house.”

He turned back to reengage, his eyes a little teary and red. I knew he wanted to tell me something more. “Are you still married?”

His breath deepened. “Yes.”

“And this wasn’t important to tell me because….?”

“I really just wanted to talk, to find a friend. And you didn’t seem like you were interested in anything serious.”

I said, “Did you read my profile?” (The profile stated clearly that I was only interested in people who were seriously ready for dating and relationships.)

He bowed his head and said, “I’m sorry. I could have lied. But I didn’t.” As if that made amends for the hours of transgression.

The truth was, this man had no chance at getting anywhere past a friendship with me. But the fact that he could spend hours on-line talking to me and then actually meeting me and forgoing the very information that said who he was—who he is—actually astounded me. And I’m not easily thrown.

This experience gave me a mantle of wisdom I have never known before.

A friend recently told me that I trust too easily. He said that the friends he trusted in his life were only people who had been a part of his network of friends for years—not a year, not two years, not months, but many years. He said that trust took a long time. I had trouble believing him, until that moment. Suddenly I was imbued with the understanding that trust takes a lifetime. It involves moment-by-moment revealing and unveiling and translucency with one another that only true intimacy can bring.

This man travels on business and fulfills his gay fantasies on-line. While in town lives a life with his innocent wife and children believing he is someone completely different. The Internet is full of men like this. I wonder how long it will take for each of them to come out from hiding and live an authentic life. I can’t imagine the pain of having to keep something so sacred so concealed.

The path of secrecy is a path of pain to the soul. It says that you don’t trust your heart, you don’t trust the people who love you, and you don’t believe that God made you to be exactly who you are—with every feeling, every intention, every driving force, every love, and every truth.

Be proud to be exactly who God created you to be. Be that person with every bit of energy you have, every moment of every day.

* * *

Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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The Secret

What’s the first thing that happens when someone tells you a secret? They ask you to promise not to tell it.

Immediately, you begin to wonder who you could tell the secret to without getting in trouble. We are not meant to keep secrets. We are not vaults that store information. We share things. We share emotions. When someone tells me they have something horrible to tell me (personally, not as a practitioner), and that I have to promise not to tell anyone, the first thing I think about is: I have to know what it is. The second thing I think about is, whom can I tell this to that has no connection to this person, so I can get the burden off of my chest.

It’s a terrible thing I’m telling you. If you are one of my close friends, know this about me. I’m a horrible secret keeper. Probably, because I keep people’s secrets all day in my business. I really try hard to be the best friend and most loving and compassionate, but I usually end up telling someone innocuous, like my mother or a friend in NYC, someone that just would have no reason to spread the news any further.

I got some news about three people today that has given me trouble digesting all evening. What do you do with information that just makes you want to throw-up the past year and make you want to start over? I’ve learned secrets about friends, lovers, people in my past that I just don’t know how to process. I wonder why all this information came to me today.

“So, Mr. Life Coach, what is it that you would tell your client about a day like today that you could tell yourself?”

What is Spirit trying to tell you? Have you been hiding yourself from the truth that has been staring you in the face all this time? And why have you been hiding from the truth? Are you needing relationships with these people so badly that you would simply look the other way when there are glaring signs of relationship problems staring you in the face?

The truth is: yes!

Ever since I was a little boy I have been the one who was picked on and picked last, who had to try the hardest to be liked, and had to be the smartest to be noticed. So, now in life, I sometimes pick people who wouldn’t normally choose me as a friend or a partner. The most handsome, the prettiest, the one with the television show, the one who has the most degrees… Then I show them my best hand. After which—when they begin to lose interest—I work harder to be a better friend. I always go the extra distance.

God, I have been that person who strives to be everybody’s best friend and to be the popular kid’s friends since I was in high school. Now, all grown up, when I have wonderful, loving friends who mean the world to me and are equally loving back, I still sometimes choose the same kind of people to maintain that old drama in my life.

My hairstylist said it to me tonight. Out of the mouth of a sarcastic, funny man, slapping color on my head and clipping my foot-long eyebrows. He says, “You just turn a blind eye to people’s faults, because you want them in your life.” When he said it, it cut like a knife, because I knew it was God speaking through him.

It was so true, that even tonight I’m feeling sick to my stomach, because now I know why for the last few months, I have had to purge my life of many “so called” friends who have been sucking the life and energy out of me.

It’s because I never chose these friends with Spirit and love and compassion. I never chose these friends because life and consequence brought us together. I chose them because I thought they would make me look better or be better to be around them. I’m ashamed to admit it. But now, I’m even more discontent that the very thing that I thought would help me has hindered my Authentic Growth and now I have to let go completely.

My secret is out in the open. Love is personal touch and personal touch is love. When you don’t get back what you return, there is no reason to maintain friendships that are unequal. Move on. Too many people exist who are willing to be there for us and nurture us. Why would we settle for anything less than a true, compassionate, authentic friend? There is no greater gift in the world!

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