Anxiety in the form of Anxious Attachment often leads to feelings that we are not enough for someone, not qualified for a job, or even righteous enough to attain a beautiful, loving relationship. The struggle in life to attach to anything that poses as a threat to our own self-esteem is usually the catalyst for Anxious Attachment. This presents as the feeling of being not enough; trying to please someone else, before you tend to your own needs; and a basic fear of abandonment in almost every loving situation.
I learned this lesson in my own life as I once fell head over heals in love with a friend. In every way the friendship was powerful spiritually, mentally, and may have been the best friend I had ever had. However, somewhere in the relating, my mind decided that I needed this man—this friend—to desire me to be his mate. As a result, 50% of my time with this person began to transform into displaying my pretty feathers like a peacock would before he mates. When I wasn’t with him, my mind raced even more, looking for ways to change this man’s desire to be with me in an intimate relationship.
What caught me so off guard in the process was that I lost energy in every part of my life as I left my authentic self to pursue something that was never mine to attain. When I reached down deep into my soul, after many nights of struggle, I asked three important questions:
- What is happening here?
- What am I doing to stop the lesson Spirit has for me?
- What gift do I bring to this situation?
The first question is the most important, because no one can hide from his/her own misplaced intentions. Even if you start with an old story that doesn’t become you—even if you know that you don’t want to act this way anymore—you still must face the current situation with complete honesty.
Then, you are ready to answer the second question. I realized that what I was doing to stop my growth was to waste energy on something that I didn’t even want. Everything inside of me knew that a relationship with that friend would be a disaster. We were so much alike that the combination of both of our sensitivity took up the majority of our time relating.
The third question was the easiest to answer. As I learn my authentic lessons in life, I am able to heal old patterns in myself. I am able to relate to others with completely authenticity. And I consistently regain power that I have lost trying to live out my “Old Story” of Anxious Attachment.
As a result of this lesson, my friendship with this man became more powerful than ever. And, most importantly, I took that energy and gave it to a loving, intimate relationship that fulfills me in so many wonderful ways. Also, as a result, I took the power I wasted and placed in parts of my life that needed developing.
A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]