Tag: Self-worth

Feeling Less than Enough

Anxiety in the form of Anxious Attachment often leads to feelings that we are not enough for someone, not qualified for a job, or even righteous enough to attain a beautiful, loving relationship. The struggle in life to attach to anything that poses as a threat to our own self-esteem is usually the catalyst for Anxious Attachment. This presents as the feeling of being not enough; trying to please someone else, before you tend to your own needs; and a basic fear of abandonment in almost every loving situation.

I learned this lesson in my own life as I once fell head over heals in love with a friend. In every way the friendship was powerful spiritually, mentally, and may have been the best friend I had ever had. However, somewhere in the relating, my mind decided that I needed this man—this friend—to desire me to be his mate. As a result, 50% of my time with this person began to transform into displaying my pretty feathers like a peacock would before he mates. When I wasn’t with him, my mind raced even more, looking for ways to change this man’s desire to be with me in an intimate relationship.

What caught me so off guard in the process was that I lost energy in every part of my life as I left my authentic self to pursue something that was never mine to attain. When I reached down deep into my soul, after many nights of struggle, I asked three important questions:

  1. What is happening here?
  2. What am I doing to stop the lesson Spirit has for me?
  3. What gift do I bring to this situation?

The first question is the most important, because no one can hide from his/her own misplaced intentions. Even if you start with an old story that doesn’t become you—even if you know that you don’t want to act this way anymore—you still must face the current situation with complete honesty.

Then, you are ready to answer the second question. I realized that what I was doing to stop my growth was to waste energy on something that I didn’t even want. Everything inside of me knew that a relationship with that friend would be a disaster. We were so much alike that the combination of both of our sensitivity took up the majority of our time relating.

The third question was the easiest to answer. As I learn my authentic lessons in life, I am able to heal old patterns in myself. I am able to relate to others with completely authenticity. And I consistently regain power that I have lost trying to live out my “Old Story” of Anxious Attachment.

As a result of this lesson, my friendship with this man became more powerful than ever. And, most importantly, I took that energy and gave it to a loving, intimate relationship that fulfills me in so many wonderful ways. Also, as a result, I took the power I wasted and placed in parts of my life that needed developing.

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A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

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Limitless Self-Worth with Surrender

A friend sent a link to a blog about a straight man’s story discovering his dear friend and brother was gay. Instead of feeling compassion, I became antsy and frustrated while reading.

The story was based on a small town’s point of view about acute differences (race, weight, sexuality, finances, clothes). Small town, small minded—I believe I understood the premise and the metaphor.

The author talked of his brother having no friends, though, and being in the closet, because of the few people his brother confessed to had rejected him. So the gay man decided not to tell anyone else.

At this point, I understood my dilemma. The gay man wasn’t living up to his Authentic Self. I couldn’t find compassion for him, because the gay man hid from the person he was and wanted to be. How could he expect anyone to love him when he hated himself?

If you are gay, bisexual, or different in some way, you can’t expect any of us to love you and your differences if you don’t fully accept yourself. Start from here.

I understand that some people have religious beliefs that cause a major block to accepting themselves. But, I’ll tell you, there is not an ethical psychology book that even suggests that being gay or bisexual is a choice. In fact, plenty of theories exist that being gay may be genetic. So, just release yourself from that old story now!

If you still have a problem with believing that God is upset with you for being the human he created, you need a different approach to spirituality and a new face for God. What compassionate human parent would throw away a child because she was different? Certainly, we can attribute more compassion to an all-loving God.

The other problem with the story about the gay man was that I actually can understand the premise of friends rejecting you on the basis that you had been lying to them for a long time about your sexuality. Lies, in my book, are huge and relate to trust issues. If I can’t trust a friend, he simply isn’t my friend.

Sometimes being abandoned by a friend or family member is not because you are gay. The friend may release you because he or she doesn’t know who you are now—as you have been hiding your true self from him/her for so long.

There are two sides to the coming out story. The person making the change and finally having the courage to come out is responsible for having compassion for those whom he tells. I’m not saying you shouldn’t expect respect from parents and family members, who have a certain sense of fairness and the need to accept you built in to the familial process. However, in friendship, you can’t expect that same premise.

Friendship is based on trust and knowing someone intimately. If I had a friend who was straight for a long time and suddenly decided he would finally tell me he was gay—even though I may have suspected—I may be a bit put off by him. As someone with a lot of compassion about this particular situation, I would certainly not reject the friend, but encourage him to find himself. However, not everyone is as understanding.

If you tell a friend about a change in your life, such as: “I’ve decided I’m going to have a sex change. I really want to be a woman!” Can you expect that old friend to not be befuddled and confused?

You may think: “But I knew you. I undressed in front of you. I feel lied to.” Those are probably the feelings you should expect with your truth. I would feel fortunate if the person understood. If he or she didn’t, I’d simply have to move on and find someone who did love me for who I am. This is the hardcore truth of love and friendship. A hard lesson, yes, but a good one!

When you surrender to what is, accept what is, and move on from your dilemma—intelligently and with respect for yourself—you gain an unlimited amount of Self-Worth, no matter what the situation or change in your life.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. FOR COMMENTS: Go to the Bo Sebastian link under the title and there is a place there to create a comment. Thanks.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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Giving Improves Self Worth

The second Noble Truth in Buddhist teaches that the inability to be content with what we have or who we are comes when our minds are filled with greed or desire. Suffering of all types automatically follows. This attitude of selfishness and greediness is the primary cause of dissatisfaction in life, eventually robbing us of our peace of mind.

I think of this truth often as I pursue life and pursue it more abundantly. What exactly is prosperity in my life if it expresses as anxiety? When something stymies my joy, I automatically refer to the ancient Buddhist idea that all in the human path is suffering. To be released from suffering, I must liberate myself from Self-ishness or the Ego’s insufferable need to have more, be more, eat more and covet more.

In the process of releasing the ego, I recognize that it is in the giving to the world that true happiness comes. I made a pact with Spirit long ago that as I am a giver to life and of my abundance, I will be taken care of according to the riches of God in heaven. As I have believed completely in this prayer, I have never been remiss of the money or the food or the clothes or the dwelling I would need to live a completely comfortable life.

A vast difference comes between creating and working for money and creating and working from a deep place in the soul that wants to be a conduit for good. The exact amount of money, business, people, clients, friends, and love comes to your life automatically because of understanding this one Noble Truth: It is not with taking we find joy, but with giving from the human condition as a funnel for God’s good, that we experience peace beyond all understanding.

If you have found that your life is void of love, joy, prosperity, or peace; you need not worry any longer. One simple solution to all of the above is giving of your self. When you do this, every part of your being feels peace and joy. With this, you develop a sense of purpose to life. With purpose automatically comes self worth.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. FOR COMMENTS: Go to the Bo Sebastian link under the title and there is a place there to create a comment. Thanks.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. If you are looking to enter the RSS or Atom Feed, you have to go to the home page of the blog to get there. Also, I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

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