Tag: sexual abuse

A View from the Top Bunk

When I was a kid, I slept on the top bunk after a short stint on the bottom one. My elder brother, six years to be exact, had the authority, then, to make these kinds of decisions. Besides, he got to bed much later than I and didn’t want to disturb me. As if masturbation every night at midnight wasn’t a deterrent for sleep.

What exactly was he doing down there? my young mind thought. Moaning and thrashing about as if he was down there with some pretty young thing. I never asked. He never told.

Actually, I already knew. Before the bunk beds, my brother and I slept in the same queen bed for about six years—long enough for him to introduce me to his midnight issues. But with me, his affair fell right after my early bedtime.

A soft whisper. “Can I… you know?” He played with my hair and caressed my 8-year-old butt. Sometimes he would kiss me on the neck… begging… and breathing.

Ah, the raw memories of sexual abuse. They would rob me of sleep until about 10 years ago, when I took my childhood back.

I don’t demonize my brother. I don’t fault my father and mother for not protecting me from a horny brother, who probably had been sexually abused before me. I simply give none of what happened in the past any negative thought. It is almost as if it was another lifetime, completely.

Everything that had happened in my past had a purpose—a divine reason—even the horrible nightmare things, like the queen-sized bed.

My mom recently told me that my brother thinks that I’m the only sibling in the family who cares about him. I don’t know if he’s correct about that. I simply wonder about what he thinks? How he thinks or deals with the memories. I’m more curious than caring, to be honest. But, I never ask. He never tells.

Sometimes silence heals if you understand the peace that can come with it.

I am an actor by trade. I have learned to embrace the truth of other characters besides me. In my search for each character’s authentic reality, I often make up amazing pasts to build a strong back-story, it’s called in the acting world. I have more fun with this part of the process than I should. It’s my time to rewrite the words of the author so they fit me more snugly. This back-story helps me relate to the character’s malevolence, depravity, or intricate love they bring to the stage or screen.

I left the theater for a long time, because I felt as if I was avoiding my own back-story to play with other’s lives. Acting was an easier choice than reality. Plus, an added bonus was the applause at the end of the night. Praise and adulation for making people believe you were someone you’re not. And I got paid for it, while most of the world does this every day, every minute, every second.

Honestly, I’m tired of so many people living their lives asleep or in total avoidance.

When will we all stop to be still? When will we give thought to the purpose of our humanity and make some sense of the maelstrom of our pasts?

It’s in the undoing that you become one step closer to your spiritual purpose on Earth.

Take a breath. Take a moment. Let silence draw you to the path of total understanding. I have and am finally at peace.

Don’t let another day pass, acting as if none of it happened, every jot and tittle matters more that Who You Are!

 

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When You Can’t Speak Up! #simonebiles #MeToo

Yesterday on the news, one of my favorite gymnasts, Simone Biles, shared that she had been sexually abused by the heinous ex-doctor, Larry G. Nassar. #SimoneBiles and some 100 other USA elite gymnasts have spoken out against Nassar who is now in jail for 60 years. He will be going back to court to face another group of accusers very soon. You might be asking yourself: why had it taken superstar Simone so long to speak up about this #sexualabuse ?

I believe that the further up the food chain you climb, the more famous you become, the harder it is to share your truth. Her fear is probably that everyone will say exactly what I’m saying now:  “Why did you wait so long to say your truth? Look, 100 of your best friends have spoken out. Still, you have stayed quiet.”

However, sooner than later, she realizes that fear of this horrible doctor attacking her again is not the culprit of her silence. A light being shone on her vulnerability is probably the reason. She says to herself, you appear to be the strongest, most decorated gymnast in the world. You stand on the top of many shoulders of the people have come before you. If you shake, if you create imbalance, all of this pyramid will crumble. The little girls who admire you will be forced to look at their own fears. Do I really want that? Do I want everyone to know that when you pursue your highest dreams, you may face some ugly demons along the way?

The answer is, of course, yes! Absolutely, you want those without a voice to be the first to know of your hardship on the way up the perilous ladder of success. These little children can’t speak—won’t speak, because of the same fears and guilt you had. So, you must!

I was sexually abused. I had not waited until now to speak. I’d even written a book about it eight years ago called “Learning Alone.”   Read it! Find out about my struggle! You know what? Not many people actually read my book. Do you know why?

It wasn’t popular to speak out. The ones who had stayed silent read it and the book hopefully gave them courage to face their own demons. But most of us don’t want to know about demons and what lurks in the closet of other people—friends and family. If we don’t know, then we can remain guiltless. If we read a book about abuse, we will be held accountable for those around us struggling, this is true!

The reason I share that I haven’t waited until now is because I spoke up when it wasn’t cool to #MeToo. When I knew that people who were in my past would stick up for the people I was accusing. Still, I had to say what was on my heart to clear my pathway forward.

We cannot live in the damage from our past without demolishing the old hiding places and rebuilding the past. This would be like asking Puerto Rico to continue to live in their country under the rubble of the hurricane without any hope of fixing it. Or, worse yet, this would be like asking Puerto Ricans to build a new city on top of the rubble, without power. How stable could that city be? (By the way, this is exactly what is happening in that country.)

“My Best Buddy” by Bo Sebastian

I say all this to place focus on the most vulnerable of all species on Earth, the ones who will never have their own voice, the mute and the mentally incapable, the voices of many species of animals will never be able to fight for themselves. Your dog, for instance, can’t tell you that when you leave for work the neighbor—whom you gave a key to for emergencies—has been sneaking into your home and torturing your puppy. Your pet may show signs of struggle. She may begin to act out. But, she will never be able to point a finger and say these words: “#MeToo”!

So, who is left to speak up for your dog or your cat or your pet bunny or piglet?

As humans, when we begin to grow spiritually, we must begin to look at how we interact with others. If we start with the small things in life, we can observe that not everything that comes from our mouths produces life, support, and love In fact, we often speak poorly about those we see walking among us, even though we know nothing of their struggle and can clearly see a problem exists.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have done this very thing. As a spiritually evolving person, I have to ask myself the hard questions, “What exactly do you expect to gain, Bo, by saying something terrible about anyone? Does this make you feel stronger or better? If so, why?”

When we begin to ask ourselves the hard questions, we come to an even harder questions to answer without remorse: “Why do you feel the need to eat or ingest anything that has been killed and slaughtered to survive?

Do you not know that no man or woman for 1000s of year on Earth ate flesh until after Noah in the Bible?

I painted this while waiting for Hurricane Irma to touch down on Florida.

These people, like Methuselah lived to be almost a 1000 years eating just plants and fruit. Cows, horses and large, strong creatures eat only grass. Why do humans insist on the need to eat dead flesh to be strong? Is it to satisfy their basest desires? Is it because cooked flesh smells like you’ve conquered something? Or does it simply taste good?

As a vegan, what I cook tastes even better than any meat, I guarantee you. Sometimes you wouldn’t even know that what I cook is plant-based. None of us need the guilt of dead animals decomposing in our bodies or even the ovaries and milk from the teets of these animals same animals we ingest, because none of it is meant for our humans.

Yes, this is plant-based burgers, made by Beyond Meat

My doctor said to me about going vegan after blood tests had shown that my blood pressure and cholesterol had sky rocketed: “This is the best choice you can make for your body right now.”

I’m no saint. I had been 25 years a vegetarian when a few medical professionals told me that my arthritis would never get better if I didn’t begin eating beef, which was the meat for my blood type. So, I went 3 years closing my eyes to the harshest bloodshed in the world. Every day, millions of helpless animals are led to the worst lives in factory farms, only to get fat and killed without ever having the chance to live as God created them. Besides this the waste from cows is causing greenhouse gases that harm the Earth.

The first bloodshed for animals was to repent for human sins. It was a symbol for the Savior to come. Yet, so many who believe in the absolute sovereign truth of the Bible will continue to tell you that animals are meant to be eaten. “Well, certain stupid animals, at least,” they may say.

You don’t have to look hard to see signs that some pigs and chickens, for example, are smarter than 4-year-old children. Humans have only their broken legs to stand on when trying to push through this argument to the end. However, just like trying to argue with an Atheist about believing in a Higher Power, you would know that there is no changing a mind that is already made up.

We see this all around us with 45 supporters. They voted for him. They will follow him to his demise, because, gosh darnit, everyone is making up stories about him. Only Fox News is telling the truth. He didn’t really say those horribly racists comments. This is just the democrats or the horrible reporters making something out of nothing.

Of course, a close observer would see what goes through the mind of a 45 supporter is exactly what 45 wants to go through his or her mind. He has primed the pump and created lost sheep of his followers with false evidence. 45 has led the way to brainwashing millions of people on this Earth.

You only have to go to another country, outside of the US, to see that no one thinks that President 45 is good accept crazies like Putin and Kim Yon Death!

This same kind of brainwashing has happened when it comes to Factory Farms and brainwashing the public with commercials about what is and what is not Healthy!

We must speak up for those who can’t speak up! We must continue to fight the hard fight of being a voice in the darkness when it isn’t popular to be that voice. We must stop waiting for 100’s to speak out, first, before we decide we can be strong, too. We always have the right to say our truth! Always!

Help a friend today. Help an animal today. Speak out for justice all around you. I guarantee you’ll feel better for it.

 

 

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Disaster Relief: The Child’s Mind

If memory serves me, I was about 10 when I remember the first riot in Beaver Falls, PA. My teenage brother came home bloodied and explained with racially charged language that the African Americans had started a protest. He and his buddies were going to end it.

I thought, Why would people want to start a big fight while the world was already at war? Was a war going to break out in my back yard?

I was a smart young man, straight A’s in school, but I had a lot of struggle around  me, war and fighting. Not only was the country in the middle of Vietnam and friends and family being drafted, but the internal struggle of my own family was far from peaceful. 

Last evening as my husband and I were sharing, I had a PTSD moment. I remembered my father taking me in to his bedroom at about 12 years old, pulling down his underwear, and asking me to rub his naked ass with lotion. The memory made me wince.

 

I couldn’t continue to talk about it with my husband without wanting to vomit. I hadn’t remembered the moment in a long time. I don’t believe my father was a pedophile. He was, however, too cheap to hire a massage therapist, his ass hurt, and he needed someone to rub it.

 

He knew better than to ask one of my four sisters, so I was the one he chose. Of course, he had no idea the mark he left on me from the 30 minutes of the most discomfort I think I felt throughout my childhood, and that’s compared to watching my brother being bloodied by the same father countless times with a hard fist and a gold, college ring the size of robin’s egg.

I don’t speak about this to make anyone feel bad for me. I share because the people who have been abused as children for whatever reason need to talk about their past to take away the bad stigma, to release us from the blame we had often placed upon ourselves.

In my many years as a Life Coach, I have discovered that most of us have a story, a terrifying story that we have never shared, one that not only embarrasses us but one that is locked so far in our subconscious mind that we feel it may cause a myriad of other bad moments to flow out if we ever dare open that door. I have heard those stories and wept with my clients. I didn’t weep because I was sad at the event itself. Most of the events were small compared to the grand abuse I’ve seen. I cried because of the impact and the fear they kept inside for so many years.

As I see now, releasing pain through speaking candidly about it is better than holding it in—always.

 

When I decided to write my memoirs, it began as an exercise to release the past. Now, I just want to share the story, as I know those who have read it were deeply touched and healed from many deep scars. (It’s free this week on Kindle, if you are a member of Kindle Unlimited.)

 

Also, If you sense you need to talk to someone for any of the above issues (either as a friend or the person having painful memories), give me a call. It always helps to release your pain and get another point of view as part of the healing process. Call today: 954-253-6493!

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Also, join me on my new YouTube Cooking Series: Angel Feast: Recipes for a New World: to see the first 7 cooking shows. Fast and easy, delicious to the root! That’s our motto!

 

 

GIVING AND RECEIVING IN LIFE IS OFTEN DIFFICULT. I have been giving from my heart about 2-3 hours a day for 7 years to create advice–spirit, mind and body for millions of readers. Recently, I have been led to ask people to give back as a way for me to learn how to receive.

As a tribute to my belief that “prosperity is all around us, should we choose to receive,” I want to invite those of you who want to send an offering for the joy or advice you have received from Finding Authentic You Blog.

“We must give to receive, always. This is the Law of Reciprocity.”

If you would like to participate in giving to the gift of this blog: Please send all checks, money orders, or credit card requests to:

Bo Sebastian, c/o Finding Authentic You Enterprises,
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Oakland Park, FL 33309

Thank you for your gift!

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A FREE HYPNOSIS MP3 TO HELP YOU DURING TIMES OF PAIN. SEND THE RECEIPT TO bosebastian5@gmail.com and I’ll send the Mp3 within the week, I promise.

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. Click Here for More Information.

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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!

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