Tag: sickness and depression

Cast in the Wrong Role

Recently, I volunteered for a Christmas show at my church. The guest director had heard I was a good singer, but had no idea of what kind of singer I was (pop, jazz, Broadway, opera, country). He cast seven other people in this show, having heard and worked with all of the others. As each cast member got his/her beautiful solo, specifically chosen for his/her voice, I listened intently for mine. When the director came to me, I was told my song was a raucous country song, arranged by Toby Keith, who couldn’t be less like me than a piece of coal is to a cut piece of glass.

As the temporary music coordinator at church and a volunteer for this show, my job has been to undergird the production in a way that is helpful and useful. I have learned all of the songs for the chorale. In fact, most days in rehearsal I’m the one who has his part memorized before the music director ever plays it on the piano. So, I spend most rehearsals listening to the music director painfully pound out parts for the non-music readers.

I’m told I am supposed to begin this show on stage by myself, before the chorale enters the stage. As you can probably guess, I have little confidence that I can be someone I’m not. I have spent my entire adult life teaching the principles of living an authentic life and feel vastly uncomfortable doing 0therwise.

What should I do? I ask myself. If I go to the director six days before the show, I sound like a whining diva. If I simply bite the bullet and sing the song, I put the show in jeopardy, because I simply can’t pull off starting this show the way it was intended. After rehearsing the song for my mother and sister, who are always supportive, they said, “You are not going to sing that song at church, are you?”

I just moved from Nashville where I had coached 100s of country singers for almost thirty years. I know what a country singer should sound like. I am not one of them. Country is not in my blood. When I would try to demonstrate for one of my country singers, I would have to mimic what I thought the song should sound like. In other words, there was no real place of authenticity to go to get to the sound I needed, so I had to play a role for which I would never be cast. As I would listen to myself or hear myself on rehearsal recordings demonstrating, I would always cringe listening.

Many people play parts in life that they simply were not cast for. I see this most often with family men in their mid-thirties to fifty. Most of the guys I have seen over the years for life coaching were younger men when they got married in a time when marriage was a given, especially in rich cultural instances.

After having a family, these men don’t have the ability to pursue new work, because they can’t chance not having an income for their young families. They often can’t move somewhere else on a whim. They certainly wouldn’t leave the wife and kids, because they no longer want the responsibility. So, they simply feel stuck with the cards they had dealt themselves.

In a world where most young people don’t get married till their late twenties and thirties, now, the older men look with awe at the young people taking time to discover themselves and their passions. Depressed men in the late thirties to fifty range are in epidemic proportions. We don’t hear much about this depression, because no fathers and husbands are willing to admit it to anyone, not even their wives. They would much rather immerse themselves into sports, addictive behavior, philandering, and simple emotional negligence, than abandon their responsibilities to their loving families.

In some ways, you have to applaud their fortitude. In six days, my commitment to this project and being cast in the wrong role will be over, and I’ll go on my merry way, trying not to get stuck in the same situation again. Helping men find hope for their lives who have chosen paths outside of their passion is the hardest place a coach has to go, because not many choices exist for these men.

Lack of options is usually why most people get depressed in the first place. So, a good life coach tries to help a depressed person find healthy options and new ways of looking at old paradigms. Most times, I have asked the men to take time out for themselves and do something selfish and impassioned. But, even then, a lot of men don’t have the extra time or money to do anything more than what they already do to keep the family and home running appropriately, working on the house and the yard on their time off from a fifty-hour work week and wearing clothes from the Thrift Store, to have the money to buy their children school clothes and books.

The one bit of advice I can give to anyone in this situation is to get real and stay real. Be honest with the people around you, if it’s at all possible. If you don’t find honesty is a possibility, find someone who will listen to your gripes and help you see a brighter future ahead, even if it’s just a friend. Sometimes, just getting to voice your thoughts helps extinguish them. Often, one of those fathers will hear the sound of his child saying, “I love you, Daddy!” and everything will feel better for the moment. They realize that the bigger picture is not completely about their own happiness.

Depression about life is often lifted when a client does charity work or feeds the poor. You can get a true perspective on life when you get out of your own comfort zone and look at the bigger picture. Know, too, that most commitments have an ending. Look toward to that end and know that eventually you will be able to make stronger choices for yourself, even if your time is years away.

I had one fifty-five-year-old single father just marry off his last son. He told me that, finally, he was going to sell his house, get a condo, and begin to search for a suitable mate. This was a guy I dated in the midst of his large responsibility. I remember that I never got to be first in his life. As a result, I moved on. The guy he chooses now will be lucky to have this man. He is a great person. Without the burden of children and a home, I’m sure he will be a much better companion and mate.

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A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]




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Sickness Sometimes Leads to Depression

I have a dear friend who hurt his hand and hasn’t been able to play his instrument for almost six months, a musical instrument he touched every day. His arthritic condition in his hand may take him out of the music business completely. He is heartbroken and depressed about it.

Not even in the same ballpark: I had a stomach virus last week, forcing me to eat Jell-o and drink chicken broth for three days. Now, this week, I have some kind of chest congestion that started out with a sore throat and has led into a cough. I just came home from a drugstore run and bought out CVS at 10 p.m. I hate being sick.

Just two weeks ago I had been bragging that I hadn’t gotten a cold, cough, or flu for over a year. Here I am now with a two-week run of crud. I broke into tears this evening, because I have important things I need to accomplish this week for other people, and I could barely hug my partner when he held me while I cried, because I had so little strength. I had been asleep from 4:30 to 9:00 p.m. Now I’m up and everyone is asleep. At least I have a little will to write my blog. That leaves me with my chin up about a quarter of an inch.

Sickness weakens the body. But it also weakens the will.

When your will is weak, then depression isn’t too far off. If you have an inclination toward depression, be careful when you find yourself ill, because you could fall into a slump and give yourself a big ass pity party, as I am now.

I proclaim, all the time, that God has everything in control. My prayer every morning is that God please take care of me as I do the work put in front of me. God keep me prosperous so that I can afford to be compassionate and giving. Any heart who prays these prayers and gets sick would wonder what the heck God is doing. This is the “Why Me?” syndrome. And I got it.

Metaphysics is the idea that all things happen for a reason beyond our knowledge and “out from” the physical, which is the etymology of the word. But, I have to wonder if all things can be translated into a metaphysical output. Is sitting in the same room with someone sick and catching a virus the same as getting an arthritic condition to preclude an artist from making music or sculpting? It doesn’t feel like it’s in the same realm of spiritual activity.

I’ll get over my sickness in a week or so. I know that. But a disease like cancer or MS can take a great part of someone’s life away quickly. Aren’t these diseases more likely to be messages from spirit?

Well, I’ll tell you, many people struggle with this question and get in big trouble blaming the person for their sickness. Religion is rife with answers to these hard questions, when I truly don’t believe there is a perfect answer. No ONE person knows the heart or will of God for anyone. We don’t know that spiritual law precludes physical law? Or does physical law preclude spiritual?

This would be the question at hand. I sit in a room with a person carrying a virus. He coughs on me. If my immune system is weak, I’m likely to get that disease, just by virtue of physical law. Does God have anything to do with that process?

Spiritual law is states that “what we believe in mind, we create.” I can’t say that I believe in sickness, but I understand the concept written above. I boasted about not being sick, and some would even go so far to say I put a whammy on my own self when I boasted. Did I knock on wood after I said? I didn’t.

But really? Can it come to that spiritually? I mean, I got the stomach virus because I stayed up all night helping my mother when she had the virus. I got this current crud because someone hugged me who should have kept her distance.

Believe me here, there is no good answer to the question of sickness and the will of God, except to say all is in its right order. I would be better to suffer the consequence of the physical law and rest my mind than to blame my sickness on the will of my mind. Both my mind and body need to rest right now, which is why I’m going to bed. And I’m putting my over-thinking mind to bed as well.


Go to Week 2 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge”


Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.

A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)

The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”

A Year to CLEAR Challenge!

The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.

My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.

As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.

The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.

The One-Year Approach to Change

No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.

Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”

In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.

Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.

Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com

• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

Also, be looking for “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) in Early 2014. Thanks!

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