Tag: symbiotic relationships

Someone to Watch Over Me!

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, the feeling of someone to care about you and you alone is a deep, yearning desire in 99% of the people I know. Even if you are the breadwinner of the family and take care of everyone valiantly, somewhere inside that hard veneer you would like to believe that someone could take care of you in some way in exactly the way you need it. This is inherent in all human beings from the time we leave our mother’s safe arms until we die.

That 1% of people who don’t know what it feels like to be taken care of because they grew up in an orphanage or were abandoned at birth, still have the DNA and natural instinct to realize that they have missed out on something integral to the growing process. So, what do we do to fulfill that need when no one in the family steps up to the plate or when we have been abandoned by the very person who has been the caregiver?

Being able to give is a radical change from learning to receive, but both are imperative to learn in our Spiritual Growth. To be good at one isn’t necessarily a true test that you’ll be good at the other. In fact, even people who would love to be taken care of can’t express the need or feel guilty when they receive. It’s as if their role is being compromised.

Growing up as a caregiver, I have never been so blessed to have a husband who loves to give as much as he loves to receive. In this way, he has helped me learn to be waited on, sometimes, and be amazingly appreciative. I’ve realized that it’s okay to lose my identity in this shift of roles. It’s a great feeling to realize that I can love and be a giving person and also have someone so appreciative that he wants to balance my load.

In all of my years searching for love, it seems I have always found people who were anxious to take but not so willing to give. Because there are more of those taking types out there, it was fairly easy to find a fine looking person who fit the role in the looks department, but in the day-to-day living department that pretty selfish person expected this symbiotic dependent/codependent situation to continue throughout the relationship.

So, in retrospect, maybe a caregiver/taker relationship could work if you’re willing to take care of yourself. But, there is no way in hell you can continue in any relationship without giving yourself what you need to recharge your mind, body, and soul.

If you don’t make this effort you will end up addicted to food, shopping, gambling, alcohol, or something else that can fulfill you in an addictive way and quickly.

If you decide to stay this kind of relationship, here are a few examples of caregiving gestures you can give yourself:

  • Take a ME day once a week;
  • Force your partner to take the reigns at least once a week; or
  • Simply find those hours in the day that are yours and bask in the reality that you are your own caregiver, and you can do whatever you want to recharge your batteries.

Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. For more information and individual pricing or as a guest speaker, give me a call: 954-253-6493.

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Symbiotic Relationships

Symbiosis is defined as a mutually beneficial relationship between different people or groups. Today, I’m going to focus on symbiosis in Intimate Relationships.

Living organisms require symbiotic relationships in nature a great deal. Sea anemones, for example, hitchhike on the back of hermit crabs and extend their tentacles to eat the crab’s leftovers.

Coral has a fairly easy life. It just sits back and lets specially adapted algae make much of its energy for it. The algae lives in the coral, feasting on waste products.

In intimate bonds we often adapt our lives to create symbiotic relationships with our partners. In healthy respects, this symbiosis can be a true sign of love. For instance, if one person in the relationship lacks an understanding of numbers and other is a great cook, one might balance the checkbook, while the other is making dinner. If one person loves gardening and the other would prefer to do housework, then this give-and-take would work perfectly to have a harmonious and equal balance in responsibility in relationship.

However, there is also a kind of symbiosis that isn’t so healthy in nature. For instance, “the African oxpecker feeds on the backs of zebras, elephants, and other large African animals. At first glance, this bird looks like a friendly tick-eating helper. However, oxpeckers are actually vampire birds, sucking blood out of open tick-wounds. This shows how the line between symbiotic assistance and parasite can be blurred. Oxpeckers do eat ticks as well, and some animals may be happy to sacrifice a bit of blood for this service” (Cosmos Magazine, December, 2010).

In interpersonal relationships this kind of vampire symbiosis or parasitic relationship might be expressed as one partner leaving the laundry in the dryer for two days waiting for the other to fold it. Or using the love and dedication of one partner’s need to keep everything tidy in the home, by leaving for a day at work with clothes on the floor and the bathroom disheveled.

This, of course, is an unhealthy symbiosis. Unfortunately, most relationships end up with a misuse of each other’s initial desires to help and end up becoming vampires instead of balanced lovers. In such relationships you need to simply speak up and create balance or stasis once again. If you haven’t, you are going to spend the rest of your days pissed off at your partner.

Love is about communication. Yes, relationship does require give and take and healthy symbiosis, but a misuse of another person’s dedication to you is not a way to express love in any form. If you find yourself on either side of this paradigm, I recommend you visit this issue soon, otherwise, it’s going to turn around and bite you in the tick wound and leach some blood.


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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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