Tag: the breakup

Fortified with Desire #relationshipadvice

When someone goes through a traumatic break-up, a death, an accident, he or she usually needs the desire for change to go forth with enough strength to face change. Often, what precedes this desire for change is anger. I’ve rarely met anyone willing to move forward with change when he/she is still in the throws of sadness. Sometimes sadness takes months and even years to complete. Is there is a way to move beyond this sadness quicker to get to the desire and strength to change?

I recently met a man who had been blindsided by a breakup, similar to me on Valentine’s day of last year. I could still see the sadness in his eyes. He looked as if he could break out in tears at any moment. I don’t believe anyone else could see it. But, because I had experienced what he had, I could see the same brave face covering the pain that he felt. I wanted to just hold him for an hour and tell him we would both be all right.

The rule has always been, it will take half as long as you have been together to get over the person whom you have divorced. So, if you’ve been together 15 years, you’re looking at 7.5 years of sadness. That just doesn’t seem right to me. I remember a psychologist sharing that information with me when I had broken up from an 8-year relationship. I just smiled, absolutely knowing that he was wrong. But some eight years later, I was still going through the pain of that same relationship, even as other relationships came and went. It’s as if, with each new relationship, all of the ideas and dreams of the old relationships get compounded into one large disappointment. They merge like the Dead Sea of dreams. You begin to wonder if you’ll ever see the shore.

Then you meet someone new who takes your attention off of your hurt and pain for a season. Suddenly the balm of new love overwhelms you. But, just wait until your first big fight. There the old friend of pain will be again, bigger than ever.

The smartest source of pain relief from trauma is to simply sit still and ask yourself a few questions: 1.) What is happening here? 2.) What is the lesson this situations offers me? 3.) What is the gift I bring to the situation?

If you can sit silently and let your emotions go for a moment and observe, you will be better off than to let your mind sink back into the mire of disappointment. In my book about meditation (Meditation, Meditation, Meditation), I explain about the ways you can release from the functional realm of the ego or the physical body to observe your pain, instead of dwelling in it. This is the fast track to finding peace. If you can become an objective observer in times of pain, you will always find the lesson. When you discover the lesson, you understand that the situation is there to help you, not hinder you in your life.

 Meditation PhotoUncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior Cover

A Cookbook, a Novel, a Self-Help Book, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for your family members and friends and support another friend in the process! Thank you and happy Holidays! –Bo

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Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

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Betrayed!  #lossofafriend #loss #relationshipadvice

The reptilian part of our brain acts in the Fight or Flight mode when faced with a situation that appears dangerous. This impulse supersedes all parts of the thinking, deductive brain. Cortisol and adrenaline rush to the brain, then to the blood stream causing an anxious desire to bail out, rush forward to safety, and leave a harmful situation. This same act happens when we meet betrayal in our lives. All of the same chemicals in our body are triggered in a moment’s notice at any sign of betrayal, because that’s what a human mind has been programmed to do. Add to this, a gut response, some subconscious desires that have been birthed in our “black box” to think that everyone who loves us will leave us, that doom is around every corner, and that no good will ever come of any situation; then, we have a recipe for avoidant relationship behavior that will be hard to maneuver.

Picture this: You have been in love with someone for ten years. You have given your life for this person. One day, through an email he/she left sitting open in the office that this perceived “love of your life” is not only having an affair with your best friend, but is also in love. Suddenly, every anxious fire that had been simmering for years rises to the surface to protect your self from further harm. You get furious and change the locks. You throw her clothes out on the lawn. You break his favorite statue. You tell his/her best friends and may even try to hurt a position at work. You are angry and want revenge. Betrayal initially causes all of these emotions. I have been there. I know. Add to that, the feeling of wanting to murder. Yes, even the most rash instinctive ideas will appeal to the brain’s dysfunction in those moments. I wonder, if I had had a gun and the means to do harm, if I actually would have in the moment of betrayal. I hope I wouldn’t have, but I know I wanted to do harm.

I am a peaceful, compassionate person, by nature. I had never even remotely felt any feelings such as what came up when I had been betrayed. I felt cornered, like a puppy dog knowing he has to go to the vet for his yearly shots. He just knows and will hide under that bed until you get the broom to sweep him out from under the bed. He’ll growl and snarl at you, showing his teeth, even though you are his sole means of food and water and shelter. He doesn’t think about the reciprocity of hurting his owner. He only wants to protect himself from danger. I have a little dog. Last week, I put him on a plane with my mother to move him to Florida. He has been acting out ever since. He is not happy about me not being present. He is not happy my sister is taking care of him until I move there. She says he poops on the floor right after a walk. My dog never does those kinds of things. He’s just angry and confused. He even chewed out of a brand new carrier on the plane, which I’d have to believe was like Svengali, and made the entire Southwest 45 minutes late from leaving the airport, because the stewardess had to buy a new one for my mother before they could take off.

We can learn a lot about our reptilian brain by watching an animal in a state of fear or even one that is hungry and will kill for food. The basic human instinct is much the same, programmed by life’s hardships and also with chemical impulses that supersede the frontal, deductive lobes of the brain.

After the chemicals release from the body, you do become rational again. Yes, later, I realized that the betrayal in my life was for my better good. I learned to live with the past. I accepted my part of the problem. I tried to grow from my mistakes. But, don’t think that every time I get into any kind of relationship, that this same basic instinct of betrayal tries to rear its ugly head and keep me from getting hurt again. It does.

I wrote a novel, “Fatal Virtues” about a fatal betrayal and how it can take the most intrinsically good person and change her ideas of God and Spirit. Only the strong rises up above the challenge of our human paradigm and remains steadfast in his/her authentic self. I hope you have a chance to read it.

I am moving to Southern Florida to begin a new small imprint publishing company called: Finding Authentic You Publishing: findingauthenticyou-publishing.com. I am accepting submissions now for my January 2015 bookshelf. If you or any friends are interested, please go to the website and read the submission guidelines. Thanks.

Finding Authentic You is my brand and is also aself-help guide, which I wrote, with 365 Discoveries, meant to aid you in facilitating some of life’s most difficult challenges, like sleep. But, the discoveries also lead you to what you believe spiritually, understanding your goals, learning to believe in your self, discovering the most distinct you, unlocking all of your negative thinking, and helping you replace it with positive, creative thought using many different modalities, including hypnosis, prayer, and psychology. Once you know yourself, then relationship with Spirit and people is a fairly easy task.

For much more information about finding out about the psychology of the human mind and being your authentic self, self-love, and self-esteem, check out my new book below. “Finding Authentic You” will answer many of the questions I propose above. The book also has many discoveries about health, both mental and physical, as well as spiritual discoveries to lead you to your highest and best! Thanks for being a part of my tribe and helping me make this book be a Bestseller.

Check out all Bo Sebastian’s Media, 12 books, novels, self-help books, cookbooks, meditation Mp3s, and a yoga DVD.

 


Finding Authentic You: With
365 Daily Discoveries & 7 Steps to Effective Change

* Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://bosebastian.com/Home_Page.php Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed. Please spread the word by liking the page or sharing this with your friends.

 

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