The Bachelor: A Perfect Lesson for Attachment Styles #thebachelor #juancarlos :
January 7, 2014
I watched The Bachelor last night, because nothing else was on television, and quite frankly, Juan Carlos is just smoking hot. He looks to be the picture of confidence. But as I watched the show and heard about his biography, I noticed immediately that no one explained why he was a single father. Just once in the entire show did I hear him mention that the two-year relationship with his child’s mother didn’t work out, and he simply moved on. He didn’t say if he had been married or not. The producers also made a big deal about his relationship with his family and his need for a mother for his child, mostly because both parents seemed to want this more than he did. To me, this looks like a desire for him to recreate a picture of his secure family scenario. However, from a couple random stories from brothers-in-law of Juan Carlos, we heard that he may have been a bit of a gigolo in the recent past.
So, this scenario appears to be a bit of an anxious attachment scenario for Juan Carlos. Now let’s look at the 26 piranhas wanting to snatch him up as a husband. (I know there were 27 women, but read on to find out why I say just 26 were anxious.)
Most of the women he picked with the rose ceremony last evening seemed confident. I picked the majority of those women based merely on their ability to move past their own anxious feelings to appear authentic. The women who were too anxiously attached and fearful, Juan Carlos simply didn’t pick, which was a good move on his part.
We listened to 20 minutes of one woman’s whiny story, who ended up crying half the night because just 6 months ago her fiancé, who also had a child, had abandoned her live-in relationship just 6 weeks before their marriage. So, the entire evening became a PTSD (post traumatic event) for this woman, who couldn’t contain her tears. You didn’t have to wonder why. I felt sorry for her that the producers would pick her purposely for the show, probably, because she was incredibly vulnerable. She obviously wasn’t a bearer of the coveted rose.
Let’s focus on the one woman to whom Juan Carlos gave his initial rose. She got out of the limousine and was aloof, to say the least. She was an opera singer who flew in from Germany to be on the show. Juan Carlos described her as “mondo” or worldly. I would say she was one of the least physically beautiful women. Also she didn’t much care about being on the program. It seemed by her attitude that she immediately struck an avoidantly-attached disposition. This means that because of past hurts and a belief that all men leave, she became the one who said to Juan Carlos, by her disposition, “If you want me, you’ll have to hunt me down and catch me.”
Interestingly enough, Juan Carlos took the bait. This means that, indeed, he is a bit anxiously attached. Anxious people subconsciously look for avoidant people, because they believe they have the ability to change them. Juan Carlos is just confident enough in his physical prowess, that he believed, out of all the women, she too, should be attracted and want him, so much so, that he proved he would pursue her by giving her the initial rose.
The woman he chose responded to the camera by saying, “I didn’t really feel any bond with Juan Carlos.” She also showed this by her confused demeanor throughout the remainder of the show.
I think I’m going to follow The Bachelor for a while to see if it plays out, using our attachment theories. For more on Attachment styles, do a search in my blog for the term, and you will find out a great deal of information.
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The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!