The Breaking Point—A Relationship Gets Overloaded
November 7, 2013
I know two soul mates in their twenties who fell in love and got married after a year of blissful dating. Their relationship seemed steady and consistent… on the road to being the perfect template of a middle-class family with 2 ½ children. However, after only six months of marital joy, the young man got diagnosed with lymphoma cancer and immediately began aggressive treatment.
I have to be honest; this dude was very attractive before his diagnoses—robust, handsome, very nice, and in shape. But, suddenly, he was emaciated, completely bald, his face swollen like he had been on anabolic steroids, and sicker than any one individual could bear. As the primary breadwinner of the family, his wife now had to find sitters for him and go back to work to afford to live with an ailing husband and a burgeoning child in her womb. Fortunately, they had a very supportive church family who helped in all ways.
In a flash, what looked to be the perfect marriage was now a struggling fight to stay afloat and literally alive! Time passed. After a year, this man actually got healthier. He gained about 75 pounds more than he had been. He didn’t have enough energy to workout, so he appeared weak and pale. But, he was able to return to work. Not as cheerful as he had been before the cancer, but certainly as nice. I could see a vast difference in his demeanor after what he had suffered the prior year.
Before the cancer, he was always cheerful and a real go-getter. Now, I believe, getting through the day is just about as much as he can handle. With a one-year-old baby and a wife that has returned to being a dependent, the stress of this relationship is probably more than he can handle. I can’t even imagine how his wife feels.
I do, however, wonder even more about how I would feel in that same situation. What if I actually married my partner, whom I adore and feel is the perfect match for me, and everything changed six months after the marriage? What if he got diagnosed with a deadly illness, lost his job, was really an adulterer, or even worse—died? How would that change our relationship and my life? Would the love and trust, which is the glue to any intimate relationship withhold the cracks in the foundation and the weight of the harsh present?
Interestingly enough, my last relationship went through a few of the same difficulties as stated above, so I have a clear perspective on how it affected me. After my last partner moved in, I began to discover things about him that were completely contrary to my understanding of him. He got diagnosed with a heart complication, lost his job, lost his income, got sued by the government, and tried to have an affair with a friend—all in a period of 7 months. Since it was the beginning of our relationship together, the answer quickly became very clear about what I had to do.
When someone gets sick, you except to stand by him. When someone loses a job, you do what you can financially to support him until he gets back on his feet. But when all of this happens at once, and the best he can do is sit and watch television 10 hours a day and make passes at a good friend, you cut the strings and say goodbye.
I’m not afraid to admit I made a bad mistake and start over. In fact, I’m glad I did. I’ve met a much more compatible partner in the process and one who is way more securely attached, as well.
Men simply look at relationship different than women. Men wonder about if we lose the attraction to our partners, if we would still be satisfied in the relationship. This probably means that too much weight rests of the physical and ego, and not on the spiritual part of oneself. Before marriage, you musts know without a shadow of a doubt that this person is supposed to be a part of your life no matter what happens. With that knowledge, I guess, you could endure any problems or sickness. But when adultery and lying enter in, this becomes a matter of cleaning up a mess and starting over.
Look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!
Below is information that I will be sharing for about a month, as not every person on my list reads the blog every day. If you have already read it, just skip over it. Thanks for understanding.
A Year to CLEAR Challenge:
(Please Know: You Can Join Us At Any Point in the Year Challenge.)
The masses search outward for things that qualify them as a person, but I always go inward for that which quantifies me for greatness. At twenty-five I preached on street corners in NYC as an in-the-closet Pentecostal minister. One day I heard a still small voice say, ‘God cannot be contained in a book or a law or even in a religion. Dig deeper, reach further to find me, and you will find your authentic Self.’”
A Year to CLEAR Challenge!
The acronym CLEAR stands for (Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, And Relationship-Ready). The goal of this project is to engulf readers in a weekly study that will transform them by removing blocks, promote self-growth, and give them wings to fly freely into daily life. Each week, by going to BoSebastian.com and choosing the Year to CLEAR Challenge tab, a new challenge or thought to provoke conversation, growth, and group functionality.
My vision is to make Finding Authentic You the book to have in your Kindle or on your computer. The book is a comprehensive look at growth—spiritually, mentally, and physically.
As a yoga teacher and student of the Ayurvedic tradition, I bring to the table understanding of physical challenges, the ability to overcome mental problems with Life & Health Coaching, as well as hypnotherapy, and expertise in meditation and spirituality as a minister.
The combination of all three in one book with an interactive connection to like-minded readers, for one year, is what makes this Year to CLEAR Challenge a must-do for every spiritual seeker.
The One-Year Approach to Change
No one believes he or she can change overnight. But success in change comes from the metaphors of nature. Seasonally, life changes all around us in nature. Finding Authentic You offers a gradual change perspective, looking at the triune aspects of change as in yoga: Body, Mind and Spirit.
Accessing the ability to change and finding yourself actually pursuing change must be a daily search, which I call getting to the “observer mind.”
In this frontal cortex of the brain we find the anatomy of change and the power to counter every negative trigger of the human process. The workings of Hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are all positive actions to help the mind and body flow to a positive space for change.
Every aspect of FINDING AUTHENTIC YOU fulfills this constant need for diffusing the negative past and dreaming of a fulfilling future.
Step 1: Recognize That Change is Inevitable
Step 2: Release from Resistance to Change
Step 3: Understanding Change and Allow Spirit to Define It
Step 4: A History Lesson—About You
Step 5: Look at Your Past with Compassion
Step 6: Making a Strong Commitment to Change
Step 7: Dream Your Fabulous Future
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One Challenge:
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to Effective Change (800 page downloadable Kindle version)
• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
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Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!