The Mirror of Our Relationships #relationships #relationshipadvice #gayrelationships #gaymarriage

It is said that to understand ourselves, we need a mirror. Often this mirror comes in the form of personal relationships, because those who are closest to us help us learn our biggest lessons. What this means is that we often attract people to our lives to teach us what we need to know about ourselves. These lessons are usually in the form of attracting a certain kind of behavior that brings up a particular attribute of our personality. Perhaps, the same relationship keeps coming into your life with a different face or name, but has all the same qualities. Each time, this personality type brings out a quality in you that exasperates you. If this happens, you know that your mirror has appeared!

Lately, I have been attracting addicts to my life. We know that even someone who is twenty years sober still deals with the same issues. So, this addictive type of person brings up a certain behavior in me with which I obviously need to observe.

For many years, all of my best friends have been in the 12-step programs. So, maybe I felt as if an addict’s behavior was safe. When I moved to South Florida, most of those old friends are far enough away that I don’t feel as if I have their undivided attention or support, anymore. So, perhaps, when I began to date again, I attracted what felt safe.

With this theory, you must realize that when you begin to react certain ways from a particular behavior or from personal relationships, you must look inside to find out the reason you have attracted it. This is the mirror theory. Most people would simply keep blaming the person bringing up the issues.

If you’ve ever been in therapy or self-analysis of any kind, you know that the only answers to getting better or feeling whole is to go inside and work from inside out. Therefore, as I went inside, I realized that what a date’s addictive behavior brought up in me was a feeling that I was not enough to keep a lover’s attention. I felt insecure and abandoned. This happened because an addict who is working the program spends a large majority of his/her time on going to meetings and working on the 12 steps.

So, when I would reach out for my date to be there, he would often be away—in his mind and physically. This brought up old feelings of abandonment. So, I had to go back to the drawing board and begin to reacquaint myself with the belief that I have been created in the nature and form of Creator God. As I believe this, I must also believe that God is not incomplete, so neither am I.

Remember: Right thinking is saving ourselves from our own insanity!

If I continued to find myself believing this old story of being abandoned, then I will certainly seek spiritual or psychological help, because that is what an adult does who wants to grow into a stronger, deeper individual.

So, the mirrors in our lives are not there to keep us pissed off or angry. They are there to help us discover or rediscover our own issues and work on ourselves. This is not to say that, when we get stronger, that mirror may no longer need to be in our lives. Most times, though, you’ll notice that when you get the message to work on yourself, your partner also begins to change as a result of your behavioral differences. This results in symbiotic metamorphosis.

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If you are a gay man or woman, you may want to direct your gaze to my newest blog: Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. This blog is an extension of my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/UncommonGaySpiritualWarrior/) and group meetings about the rare combination of spirituality and “being gay” defines the most important part of us, even in relationship. Join me at: http://uncommongayspiritualwarrior.blogspot.com/. 

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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]

 

 

 

 

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