The Perfect Relationship Is Blemished
September 14, 2013
I got a facial a few days ago. (Yes, this gay man takes care of his skin. And I’m proud of it.) After these amazing skin products were applied to my face and warm cloths saturated each layer with hot steam, I came home to find a red bump the size of Mount Everest rising like warm bread dough on my left check. I’m now fifty-three years old, and I don’t normally get pimples. I felt scarred.
I remember the Seinfeld episode when Kramer said, “Don’t look at me! I’m hideous!” because, I believe, he had shaved his chest hair. That is, however, how I felt.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw this big red brand on my face—MARKED FOR HIDEOUSNESS! I called my aesthetician. She said to put this particular kind of cream on the blemish to dry it out. I knew what that meant: The day would come, about five to seven days later, when I would see it go away. So, I was stuck with a bump on my face the size of dime for over a week. It’s now brown and scabbed over, because I picked at it for about ten minutes.
I decided that I would try to become one with it. “OHMMMM. I am the blemish. The blemish is I.”
More ohmmmms. Soon, two-three days later, I got used to the blemish being there. In fact, I actually liked the idea that I had this major flaw that anyone who wasn’t blind could see. I even felt relieved that my flaw was big enough for the entire world to see. I no longer had to hide what I knew everyone looked for anyway.
This takes me to a conversation I had with a client about the relationship he had with his wife. He said, “I want us to be back to that perfect relationship—like, you know—when you first get together. Everything you do is right.”
I asked, “So, what is your idea of the perfect relationship—now?”
He paused for a long moment. “I’m going to have to think about that.”
“You do that,” I replied, because I knew that, unless he figured out that no perfect relationship existed, he would probably continue to struggle to get to a goal that would continue to elude him. That would lead him to frustration. Suddenly, he would be back to overeating, which led him to me in the first place.
That’s what happens, you know, when you expect too much of yourself, your relationships, your work, and your life paradigm. What you should be looking at is your spiritual relationship with yourself and with God—nothing else. Your spiritual relationships you can change, make right, and keep consistent. The rest of the world changes every day without your help or your desire. You never know what to expect of your boss, your partner, your friends, and your enemies. Even the weather can cause mass destruction to a home you spent years laboring to make perfect.
Ah… The elusive word perfect comes up again. Is there a perfect job, perfect relationship, or perfect life? I’d like to answer the question with a yes, but a qualified yes.
“Perfect is in the eyes of the beholder,” to quote an ancient saying. In other words, we see through the eyes of our own ego or with the eyes of spirit. Egos want and expect the perfect relationship, partners to look as if they have make up on when rising in the morning. The ego wants to go to work and be inspired everyday.
This can happened, if you look through the eyes of spirit, but not through the eyes of the ego. The ego will always find flaws, but the spirit will be happy with the now. In fact, comparing the two ways of thinking is how you can tell if you are living your life spiritually or in your elusion.
The truth is about blemishes—mine and yours—we enjoy and like people more when they have blemishes. We want to be around people who are happy with their blemishes and, actually, honor their faults. When people sing with perfect pitch and don’t sing with passion, few will find it enjoyable. But when passion and flaws linger through the halls of your emotions, and you shine a light on it for the world to see, you find more people appreciate you, love you, and are drawn to your side.
Just try being yourself without judgment today. Try being in your relationship or job with compassion. What would that look like? I’ll tell you. It would like perfection!
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
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