The word unsafe would be hard to define if you matured in an environment that never protected you. You would believe that life was a battlefield, as in the leading role of the movie “American Sniper.” The sniper had an angry father who taught his two sons to protect each other at all costs. He taught these concepts to his children via a swift and sharp belt. So, although the sniper picked a “safe” person for intimacy in his wife, the rest of his world was unsafe and mirrored a life always at risk.
When I find myself doing something my father would have done, I become aghast at my actions. I rarely give myself a chance to do good in my father’s honor; because, in my mind, he caused me so much frustration and turmoil. However, he did have some good traits. Many of his relatives would considered him one of the best people they knew. But, most often, narcissistic behavior flies under the radar, because narcissists usually only treat families and spouses with such disdain.
Still, I have to ask myself some questions about my own behavior when I mirror the behavior of one of my parents or a former partner:
1.) What pattern from this moment mirrors a pattern in my past?
2.) Can I change the behavior of this moment by recapitulating the past or, conversely, by rewriting my story?
3.) What person in my present, mirrors my father’s behavior? Why did I attract this person to my life and to what end?
4.) Is this a person who brings out my anxiousness, because of his/her Narcissism, Obsessive Compulsive, or Addictive behavior?
I absolutely know that my life would be better if I only attracted those to my life who were safe. Unfortunately, everywhere I look is someone angry, but wearing the mask of calm, nice, and spiritual. I only get to see any person’s true colors after getting to know him or her. It is only in the long run, you get to see if the person’s endurance for holding up that mask can be maintained or manipulated. You see, holding up a mask is honorable if you try to change negative behavior. “Fake it until you make it,” we often hear, when trying to alter a negative attribute.
The best we can do is to be authentic to our truest feelings and see if our feelings and thoughts affect others in a positive or negative way. If you are constantly causing others to be angry or sad, then you must look at your behavior and know you have the necessary means to change it. You can decide to change or keep inviting people into your life who anger you. If you decide the latter, then watch the angels cause a storm in your life so big that everything gets blown over.
A choice in this world we do not have is whether to be spiritual or not. Everyone has a spirit; and, therefore, is spiritual. Everyone is moving toward God, not away, even though their lives may look a mess. All things are happening for the Good! So, you have a choice to either be a victim to these things, be a student of life, or live life with the mastery of a sage. You will end up learning any of those ways. The victim learns via sleeping consciously during the struggle. The student learns consciously during the struggle. The master invites the lesson into his life even if it means a temporary struggle.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]
- “Safe” in Relationship #relationship #relationshipadvice
- Patterns That I Face Everyday #codependency