We All Deserve to Be Loved #relationships #financeinrelationship
February 13, 2014
I had a lengthy conversation recently about the normal perception of intimate love with a doctor friend of mine. She and I agreed that most people’s perception of love varies according to his/her upbringing and what we all saw as a normal paradigm of love when we were children.
For instance, if you were brought up in a home where the norm was a narcissistic mother telling you that you were wrong and judged you constantly, you probably thought love resembled her actions and words, but that is also had some kissing and sex attached. Most people’s first relationships are basically an archetype of the parent with his/her least connection. We desire to recreate the bad relationship emotionally and subconsciously to fix what’s been broken. Of course, we realize about six months into these kind of relationships, we have made a grave mistake. Most of us wait another few years before we have the courage to leave the situation because of our poor self-esteem. Even if you leave, and you didn’t learn what you did wrong in your choosing, you will probably remake the same mistakes over and over again, wondering why all intimate love is impossible.
I have plenty of friends who believe this untruth. For some strange reason, personally, I never gave up hope, despite many failings with love. I found a few gems in the mountain of coal, but mostly every relationship had the same Anxious-Avoidant attachment behavior tattooed all over it. I would cling to someone who had no capacity to love me the way I—and you—deserve.
If love is NOT kind, gentle, compassionate, and honest, it simply isn’t love. If you have to fight to be heard, you are not being loved. If you have to grovel for fairness, you are not being loved. Intimacy that bears the name of true love is quite special and moves you toward feeling honored. We all deserve to have someone who treats us with respect, love, compassion, and intimacy. Who doesn’t want to be told he or she is handsome or beautiful? I want to hear those words every day. How often do you tell the person you live with anything positive? Does he or she continue to tell you kind things without any response from you? If so, make some changes or you will lose that love.
Your positive behavior will exponentially come back to you if you have an agreement with your partner to treat each other fairly. My partner and I rarely have to discuss who is going to do what in our relationship. We simply pick up after each other. The person who is in the kitchen just naturally brings the other one in the living room some of whatever he fixes, which is also my problem with weight laughingly enough. We don’t squabble over restaurant bills. It seems that fairness is an undercurrent that comes with communication and trust. If you both share a bank account and are paying the same bills, do you really have to wonder who is going to pick up the check?
I have tried relationships with one account, two accounts, and separate accounts. What works best in relationships is to have a joint account for bills and an established deposit amount for each person to contribute. The rest of your money should be yours to do with it what you want.
A caveat does exist here. If you are going to buy something large like a car, home, boat, swimming pool, or a motor cycle, or anything over say $500, I do believe that married couples should consult each other. When two people try to work at a life together—a future together, a certain amount of congruency has to exist when it comes to finance. In fact, most marriages break up because of money. Don’t let yours be that one loving relationship that just can’t make it through the financial issues of relationship. This isn’t rocket science. You have a certain amount of money to pay said bills. Two people contribute a fair amount to make this work. The rest either goes to establish your future, or for fun. Figure out which is important to you and discuss it. Everyone deserves to get some reciprocity for the great work they do 40-50 hours a week.
On a separate note, I hope you get a chance to enjoy my new book, “Finding Authentic You.” There are 365 daily spirit-mind-body discoveries . You can now find it on Amazon and Amazon Kindle. Below are the links. If you’re like to follow along with a group, there is also an online Year to Clear Challenge described below.
TOOLS FOR CHANGE:
Go to Storefront to buy any of the following or make a donation to Finding Authentic You: www.shop.bosebastian.com
• My Latest Book: Finding Authentic You—7 Steps to Effective Change http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Authentic-Daily-Spiritual-Readings-ebook/dp/B00ICNBH2M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392129411&sr=8-1&keywords=finding+authentic+you
• Introduction to Meditation
• Smoke Cessation mp3
• Weight Loss mp3
• Hypnotic Lap Band surgery Mp3
• Insomnia mp3
• Eternal Om mp3
• Meditation Music mp3
• Guide to Meditation mp3
• Healing the Body mp3
• And my “Lessons from the Heart” book ready for your download purchase.
Go to Home Page: www.BoSebastian.com
New Challenge: Go to Week 13 of the “Year to CLEAR Challenge” at www.Bosebastian.com
Go to www.bosebastian.com for Week One to Four Challenges:
* * *
Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com. Please feel free to comment and/or sign up to receive your blog sent to you directly or stream with an RSS Feed.
I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.
Also, look for MY LATEST BOOK: “Finding Authentic You, 7 Steps to Effective Change” with a Year to CLEAR (C-larity, L-ove, E-nthusiasm A-nd R-elationship-Ready) on my Website in the Webstore. Thanks!