What Your Subconscious Creates #relationshipadvice

Recently, I met a man who absolutely exemplifies who I should NOT be dating according to Attachment Theory. He had the swagger of confidence (for me confidence relates to control), he was muscular (a protector), he was a lawyer (a “fixer”), and had other qualities that made him fit just perfectly into that niche of Avoidant Behavior, which has been to my detriment my entire life.

(What I’m about to write takes some knowledge about Attachment Theory. If you haven’t been reading my blog for long, go back to http://findingauthenticyou.com/?p=5066 to read more about this psychological issue. Also, the book Attached. by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is also the perfect manuscript to understand how relationship works according to Attachment theory.)

After we met, in a class about spirituality, I convinced myself that he was a good catch. Though after having a date, I realized that he was exactly what I should NOT be reaching toward. Still, a part of me held out hope that I could fix my own pattern of anxious attachment if I persisted consciously, which is a lie unless both people are aware of the problem and available and ready to fix the issue. So, I lay my cards out on the table with him in an email and simply asked if there was room for me to hang out with him sometime, because I really thought he was a nice guy.

When I didn’t hear from him for three days after the email, I decided that this was a message from Spirit that I should stop contacting him. My prayer and my conscious message to myself was this affirmation: “Divine Love draws together and holds together those who belong together, so that the glory of God may be made manifest.”

In recent blogs, I have been sharing how to create and manifest in your life. One certain way is to dream big and use your power to create from the subjective mind into the subconscious mind. But, what we have not talked about is the messages that flow to and from your subconscious without your deliberate attempt at manifesting. In other words, I believe, even though I prayed the affirmation above, I secretly wished for the opposite. The power of my wishing held much more power than the blank words of an affirmation, which proves a theory about mental equivalents that Ernest Holmes shares in The Science of Mind.

A mental equivalent is a feeling you get when you imagine something that holds incredible meaning to you. For instance, if you dream about prosperity and think about a great friend you know who is rich, easily shares her wealth, and is loving, you may more clearly manifest your dream of wealth, because you have attached a mental equivalent to your creative thought.

After the weekend with no phone call from my new friend, I had a legal issue that blew up in my face as a major problem. Of course, the person I reached out to was this lawyer friend. He immediately came to my side as the “fixer.”

As I prayed about this and sat in the silence in meditation, Spirit ripped down the walls of self-deception. I realized that I had manifested this legal problem somewhere in my subconscious mind, so that I would have an excuse to reach out again to this lawyer. It’s an ugly truth for me to share with you, but it’s an honest one.

What our subconscious thinks and believes from our attachments often supersedes the frontal cortex of the brain and allows you no access to the truth unless you become a careful observer of your own life and actions. So, I was unconscious of the underlying message my mind sent out to the universe. What I got in return was a horrible reason to have to call anyone.

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Anxious Attachment Picture

Coming Up: We’ll talk more about how to change those old messages tomorrow.

Bo works with people on SKYPE and FaceTime all over the world. He is taking new clients now. Call 954-253-6493 for information.

Take the time to look at Bo’s bookshelf of self-help books, novels, healing downloads, and yoga DVD. All of Bo’s books help people such as you, make SIGNIFICANT CHANGE with habits, find your SOULMATE, your PASSION, reach YOUR DREAMS, and dictate your own FUTURE.

Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]



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2 observations on “What Your Subconscious Creates #relationshipadvice
  1. lkreiselmaier

    Thank you Bo for being vulnerable and sharing this — I can definitely relate, and though I had not heard of the ‘mental equivalent’ concept before, it resonates with my need as an Enneagram Type 2 (the Helper/Giver/Lover) to be brutally honest about my true feelings and motives in reaching out to anyone. Sending prayers for you and your family – would appreciate yours as well
    With love,


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