December 22, 2012
I ran into an old friend a couple nights ago. I didn’t even remember his name. We had spent hours together rehearsing shows, hanging out, but this was years ago. He looked different. I had to ask someone if, indeed, it was him. And yet, when I first saw him, it took me almost a half an hour before I remembered his name.
Is this old age or just “out of sight, out of mind?”
If you’ve read my blogs, you know I wrestle with the idea of ideal relationships. What exactly are they? Why do we fall away from people we love and then go so far even as to forget their names? That blew my mind.
I looked back on the situation and tried to remember what exactly happened to separate us as friends. It wasn’t anger or a problem. It was marriage, a child, and simply having no time for friends, I think. Our time was mostly spent doing church-related activities. They moved farther out of town and ended up leaving the church. There were a few attempts at getting together after they moved. We loved seeing each other.
But the truth is: In our lives, the people we gather toward are the people we see often, have reason to spend time with, or make a concerted effort to stay connected to. That’s it! If the bond isn’t as strong as, say, as a best friend, and someone moves from your direct proximity, he or she will probably crawl under the radar and become one of those friends who just slips away from your heart.
That just makes me sad. Friendship should endure more than that. I have a couple friends who went back to school. All three said directly to me, “Between a full-time job, school, and home, I have no time for anything else in my life—not friends, not social life, barely even family. I’m so sorry. I can’t make time to see you.”
One of those friends has reconnected after school. The others have not. I guess now finding a new job, experiencing new friends at school, changing lifestyle can do a lot to a friendship’s infrastructure. We need to be compassionate. But do we also need to be renegades and crash their lives with a COME ON… LET’S GET BACK TOGETHER AND HAVE SOME FUN AGAIN LIKE OLD TIMES?
I have tried that too. Sometimes it works. Sometimes, people just feel better not trying to add more to their lives. I’m one of those people who will bother the shit out of you as a friend until you tell me, “Bo, I really don’t like you, stop calling.” Thank God that has never happened. Honestly, I usually stop after about 3 calls made a month apart.
Friends… let’s try to reconnect with someone this coming week or next week, who we truly loved and have lost communication with. Make it a reunion week. I’m sure you will be just as happy as you will make the person who you are reconnecting with.
Love is unceasing. Friendship, as well, should be eternal. Don’t let your love for someone be hidden for years. Don’t wait to run into that friend after years of not talking. Don’t just periodically message them on Facebook and think that’s enough. We have become a 2-dimensional society because of all of these social networks. I love all the networking. I love reconnecting with people.
But they don’t replace touch or looking into someone’s eyes and saying, “You know, I have really missed you in my life!”