When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough
November 10, 2014
I heard a great spiritual teacher say, “You must stay authentic to yourself and your desires, even when what you do or say may hurt another person’s feelings.” He went on to share, “Remember the words ‘I’m sorry’ are always available, if you do tread on someone’s heart.”
I’ve also recently spoken with a mother who had a child—over a period of five years—steal all of her money, charge twenty thousand dollars on bankcards he attributed to her, almost got her put in jail, and had been abusive to her physically. She said, after having endured trying to help him out of drug-induced tragic life, “Sometimes, the words I’m sorry don’t mean anything, if they are not followed by a change in behavior.”
Recently, I took both of these stories to heart, as I have been one to be so empathetic that I tend to walk on eggshells around everyone, often forgoing my own desires for others, just because I hate to fight or make anyone feel bad. The result is not choosing a strong enough opinion to ever get my way. This is no life for anyone in relationship of any kind. So, I decided, though it may be the hardest part of my personality to work on, that I would begin to assert myself more strongly.
Of course, the first result was to have a people using me as target in their crosshairs. I not only got an onslaught of deliberate, mean remarks back, but also had people go behind my back to undermine my true intentions. In the midst of all this learning, I went to church on Sunday. During the sermon I heard these words, “What you think of me is none of my business,” which is the title of a book that Terry Cole Whittaker became famous for in the 80s.
So, what did I learn from all of this? If I said, I really don’t know yet, would you think less of me? (Ah, there I go again, caring what other people think of me.) This kind of behavior causes a person to go crazy trying to please the entire world.
At long last, an individual who understands that he/she is a vessel of God’s work on this earth—living, moving, and breathing under the divine direction of Abundant Good. You must realize that, though you may not care what I think about you, you still have to deal with the reciprocity of your actions and words. If you’re not strong enough to stand behind your words, like a crystal in the chaos, don’t say them.
If you feel compelled to say what is on your mind, because you believe it will change the direction of a relationship or matter in decision-making, then you must believe that the reaction to your words is also part of the divine out-pressing of God’s work through you. In this case, as in all things, we must sit patiently waiting for the other person to care whether or not you make a difference. If you do, stick around! If you don’t, then I’d recommend finding another outlet for your friendship or work.
Remember, sometimes, the words “I’m sorry” are enough! This is true when your intention is not to hurt a person’s feelings, but the words are to assert your authentic self.
This book is a story of never saying what you want or believe, until maybe it’s too late. This piece of Southern Literary Fiction will have you laughing and crying as the confusion of life, love, and crazy characters find their way into your heart. Go to Amazon!
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]