When Love Stays: Even After You Break Up #relationships #relationshipadvice #spiritualadvice #divorce
February 25, 2016
More than any emotional issue, the break-up is the most difficult. Countless clients end up at my doorstep working on the residual effects and tying up the loose ends of lost love. Difficult does not even begin to describe the kinds of trauma ending any relationship can bring up in your life. But, how do we begin to deal with this kind of loss?
The best advice I have ever been told, when it comes to dealing with loss is this:
When we begin to grieve the loss of a love, we are actually grieving over what could have been, more than the actual relationship. Divorce brings up every relationship you have ever lost—all at the same time, which is why it becomes so overwhelming. Your loss becomes a compilation of all the lost love at the same time, which is often why break-ups become more intense the older you get.
If you go the route of psychology, human behavior science suggests that every person goes through 5-7 stages of grief:
- SHOCK & DENIAL
- PAIN & GUILT
- ANGER & BARGAINING
- “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS
- THE UPWARD TURN
- RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
- ACCEPTANCE & HOPE (recover-from-grief.com, 2016)
If you take the Spiritual Truth route and use Spiritual Mind Treatment, you are likely to still go through all the stages of human grief, but you will go through them quickly, because you have done your work. What I have found in my own life is that loss becomes easier when you truly deal with the symptoms of loss and your own anxious behavior around love.
The last time a relationship did not work out in my life, I do not even remember crying. It was as if I had already done the crying over the worst loss in my life (when my mother left her six children at my age of 8), which led to anxious attachment in all subsequent relationships. I know my truth and what want from an intimate relationship. So, when one does not work out, I trust that it was the wrong one. I trust the NOW and Spirit, which is the Truth I’ve been working on all along.
Spiritual Mind Treatment would suggest that we build on the Truth that we know and have taught our minds to live, not just think. When we feel emotions come up, we call on the Source of Truth within the universe to lead us to an even greater Truth. We begin to recognize that this greater Truth is worth the lesson of any pain that human relationships could trigger in us. This is what I have learned:
Those who Spirit has called to be together, stay together. When it is time for some relationships to end, we must let them go, because we are making room for another, better, bigger, more loving relationship to fulfill us in ways we could never expect.
The same God that created the universe, created you out of an abundance of love. No love is ever lost.
The Spirit of God in Me cannot and will not REJECT the Spirit of God in You.
It is an impossibility. So, if you wait long enough, usually you can look back at the lost love and understand the reason it had to go in another direction. Sometimes, we are fortunate enough to see that person in another relationship and realize this was not our dream. Or maybe we can see that their happiness was not contingent upon us being in their life. That, too, is a gift. Love for anyone is always better than bitterness and pain.
You see, we must resolve our own pain around relationship, because our work here on earth is about bringing positive energy on to the Earth. If we get stymied by personal relationships, we will never learn to be the Spiritual Beings we are meant to be. My guess is that this is why the Apostle Paul felt so strongly about staying single. He knew how much energy personal relationship took and was more willing to do the work of Spirit than of his own humanness.
I’m a believer of balance, so I still believe that personal relationship could exist for you and me. But still, I haven’t been fortunate enough to find a spiritual friend who is also an intimate partner. Perhaps, one day, I will find one. But, even at 55 years old, I am not prepared to struggle anymore for ephemeral human relationship that has caused more loss of joy than anything else in my life. If relationship happens, it happens. I’m good with that now, which also makes opening my heart to the idea of love even easier. I do not bring my emotional baggage to each relationship and force the other person involved to help me resolve my problems. I take my psychological problems to practitioners who are trained to help me, instead of bringing smelly garbage into someone else’s life who does not deserve it.
I hope this helps those who are in any stage of grief over loss. You will get through it. You will get through even faster if you continue to confess the Truth of what you know about love!
This year, if you desire to commit to a change for a New Year’s Resolution, do it with your MIND first. Remember, as in the title of my new book coming out just in time to help you with this (in March)… lol… that all change happens in your mind, first. You must change your Old Story, to make a consistent and long lasting change in Your Life.
Please be looking for “YOUR NEW STORY, YOUR NEW LIFE, Unlock Your Seven Spiritual Discoveries” in bookstores and in online bookstores in March or April 2016!
Are you in need of Life or Spiritual Coaching? I’ve been a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist and minister of New Thought for 25 years. I do my sessions online, so you can even have your session in bed, so that you can go directly to sleep during the hypnosis session. You must have a laptop or a notebook to do these sessions, either on Skype or Facetime. You can give me a call at 954-253-6493. My fee is $95 for an hour.
You can find all of my Books by Category at http://www.bosebastian.com/new-page/ All of these books have been birthed from my own spiritual growth. I guarantee you’ll enjoy how each will help you maintain a positive mind, body, and spirit. Also, if you click on the Amazon site, you’ll see all of my 15 book— Cookbooks, Novels, Self-Help Books, a Yoga DVD! All great gifts from your friend—Bo Sebastian. Simply go to this link at www.Amazon.com or type in my name. Find great gifts for yourself, family members, and friends by supporting another friend in the process! Thank you.
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