When Past Hurts Return! #healingthepast #pastrelationship #relationshipadvice #divorce
October 31, 2015
Have you ever opened your heart to someone whom had hurt you, because you felt as if you were healed enough to face the past? Then, you realized, amidst the doing, that you simply were adding drama to your life by inviting that person back into your life?
One of the greatest hurts in my life resulted from doing just that. After eight years and a nasty breakup, I decided to forgive my ex and invited him back into my life, because he was going through a painful break. The result, my ex ended up having a torrid love affair with my current partner of eight years. From that day forward, I have tried to keep the past in the past and the present where it belongs.
Recently, though, I went against my own advice and cracked open that door to a casual hello to someone who had hurt me fairly recently. My excuse and my rational was that I did not want to keep holding hurt in my own heart and wanted to make amends.
The visit went well. We were both a little uncomfortable. But, the result was even more hurtful than before. I chastised myself over and over again.
- Why did I open that door?
- Was I trying to see if I still had feelings?
- Was I hoping he had changed?
- Was I thinking that I could convert the old situation into a positive one?
All of these questions were viable ones, but none were ones that were good enough to go against my own soul’s boundaries. Here is what I learned after spending the last two days almost completely quiet, searching for truth:
Everyone in my life, whether they choose to hurt me or support me is doing me a favor. EVERYONE!
The reason I have come to this conclusion is because each person is like a road sign steering me in the direction I need to be. Road signs warn you, keep you safe, and give you information about the unexpected coming ahead. When a sign says, “Stop,” or “Go in another direction!” You should be thankful for the knowledge the sign gives. Do not decide you know better than the sign. You could avoid a major collision if you simply pay attention to the road signs.
But, instead, old anxious attachment behavior comes up from the past and decides it wants to heal the past using a particular relationship. Daddy hurt me and now I need to make sure that Relationship X does not mirror my dad’s relationship with me. I need to, want to, have to… change the scenario! But, nothing changes, really, not in your mind and certainly not in the people who have hurt you.
My resolve is that every one of us on this earth shares in the One Mind of God. We were all made in Its image; therefore, we all have something that makes us related. It is within that one part of Divine Mind that we are all being steered into the right direction by the positive people and MOST IMPORTANTLY THE REJECTION!
Don’t let the neural pathways of your human brain steer you. You’ll end up going in circles around your pain.
After this past week, I can say with fortitude in my heart that I’m thankful for the STOP SIGNS in my life. They all have a face. They all are doing the will of God. They all have meaning. And each deserves my COMPLETE ATTENTION.
What they don’t deserve is my anger, my hurt, my negative behavior, and the distraction they cause in my life.
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Chosen to show his new hypnotherapeutic techniques on The Learning Channel (TLC) and also given the opportunity to teach at the world conference for Learning, and received the award of excellence for Helping Overcome Obesity in Nashville, Bo Sebastian is the writer and director of Finding Authentic You and Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior. Go directly to Amazon/Amazon Kindle to buy any of his wonderfully inspired books: ]