Who Can I Trust?

Lately I’ve been hearing horror stories of relationships past that have considerably clouded the idea of relationships present. In the telling, the question always comes down to the most enviable of ingredients in a sound couple: Trust.

How do you find trust? Who is worthy of your heart? Who is the person you can finally say to yourself, I can rest in his/her arms and believe I’m in a safe place?

No easy answer to this question exists, because trust comes from time—sometimes a long time of measurable actions and reactions to life from another person. When I look at the people I trust the most in life, I see people who have been steadfast for the long haul and have stayed and have been a solid rock of understanding, compassion, and love. This doesn’t happen over night. In fact, it sometimes takes years.

I believe many times I have been too anxious to trust in life. I have not allowed the storms of life to come and seasons to change to see the reactions of the person that I was with, before I gave my heart fully. I understand my mistake and realize I must be patient. “Slow and steady wins the race.”

I have a good friend who says that you should see a person through every season before you commit your heart. I believe this is more of a metaphor of life than an actual amount of time. Some people prove their good in life very quickly. You can see this, perhaps because they go to the same church as you and believe in a similar way. Almost immediately your heart and their hearts are connected.

Or maybe, in a way, you are what is called a “wound mate” with someone. A Wound Mate is a person who has experienced many of the same bad times and wounds that you have. Sometimes this person has had a similar childhood; sometimes they have experienced relationship disappointments in the same way you did; and sometimes it is just one thing like a rape, a twelve-step experience, or one kind of horrifying experience that most people never have in life.

With any of these scenarios, though, the propensity is to trust too quickly. Wounds don’t tell the story of a person’s character.

How a human deals with the wounds tells the story.

So, when you hear these horror stories from your new friends and partners, you need to be listening for the ingredient in a relationship recipe that brings a binding glue built on solid love. This one ingredient is the ability to grow “out from” a bad situation. This moving forward brings the seeds of love and compassion deeply needed for any mature relationship.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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