Who Is Right, you or ME? (Loving in Relationship)
February 5, 2017
Recently I had an opportunity to look at how I love, whom I love, and how deep love actually goes. Taking a hard look at myself and creating a self-inquiry level of authenticity can be the hardest human test a Spiritual person can create. After all, can we be made of Love if we don’t make Love and Compassion the test for all that we do?
As I usually do when I’m writing a blog, I scan through a great deal of articles on the web and pick a few quotes that help pinpoint the question at hand. Today, however, all that I could find were articles about romantic love. Where are the articles about spiritual love, the love of humanity and self-love?
So, I went back to the question I asked Google and typed in something else. Now I can’t remember what I wrote; however, I received an entirely new group of responses and still only one from Psychology Today that had anything to do with friendship love, not general love, such as love for humanity. The one quote that I will start out with, which makes a lot of sense is:
The conventional wisdom is that we choose friends because of who they are. But it turns out that we actually love them because of the way they support who WE are.
Continue reading below.
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Continued from above:
So, what happens when friends stop supporting who we are? What happens when you tell a long-time friend that you have been hiding an important part of you, like being gay, or a cross-dresser, or a Republican, or a Democrat; then suddenly, you’re looking at the friendship from a completely different perspective?
Friendship is about how you support each other. When faced with an iron-sharpens-iron dilemma in a relationship, do you let go or do you hold on to learn more about the nature of loving and of Spirit? When is enough, enough?
I have found that I’ve had to let go of many friendships in my recent past. Some, I have found are just too toxic to withstand. Some are outdated and have no bearing on the person I am now. Lastly, some are just downright as hard as uncut gems and as brittle as thin glass. You can’t move them without breaking them. You can’t hone or shape them, because the infrastructure will crumble into dust.
I had a friend I called my best friend for 20+ years. I tried to let go countless times when we would get in horrible fights over rightwing-leftwing kind of issues, but she would not release me. She was like a poisonous succubus. One day, after not answering her phone calls for three days, she caught up with me in her car and followed me down the street for a half of a mile, yelling things out from her window: “Don’t walk away from our friendship.” “I love you.” “You’re my best friend!” “You mean more to me than anyone else in the world!”
Finally, I acquiesced. We got over that particular struggle, only to find ourselves in an even worse struggle the next time. Some psychologists say we marry the person that will take the opposite side almost every time to help balance our souls. The idea of spending my life in this kind of turmoil makes me sick to my stomach.
She was a right-winged Christian and though she tried to untangle from her powerful upbringing and open her heart to deeper understanding, albeit any other way of life, she simply couldn’t believe that God would love her unless she was living the life of a stringent Bible-thumping, Jesus-save-your-soul churchgoer. Honestly, when I just simply blocked her in every way and even decided to move out of state, I felt sorry for her.
In the end, when I try to arrange a small party of my dearest friends before I left Nashville, I included her in the invite list. After which, she made such a fuss with everyone, sending a barrage of hateful e-mails about me to every friend involved, almost everyone ended up declining. I had to cut all ties and never speak with her again. Yet, I would have to say that I still love this person from a distance, which was my only choice.
I often dream of her. We are friends in the dreams. We have nothing to argue about in the subjective realm. In fact, one dream was so clearly spiritual that our conversation sounded like this:
Me: “Wow, it’s really nice to see you. You look beautiful!”
Her: “We are doing a really good job of helping each other out on Earth.”
Me: “Yes, you’re playing your role as an antagonist is perfect.”
Her: “I’m so glad we chose to help each other this time around.”
Me: “Yeh, me, too.”
When I realized that this lifetime is about learning to love, I was able to file this chapter—her chapter—away with compassion and sincerity, but not a moment too soon.
Friendship and loving is an ongoing process. Loving someone is a selfish act. We can rarely feel the reciprocity that love is. However, we always know how we feel about our own loving. Good or bad, passionate or angry, we own every raw and vulnerable feeling. (me)
When I come back to the question I began with: Who’s right, you are me? my answer is NEITHER.
There is no right or wrong. There is only the pathway to more light and more love. The human paradigm requires opposites to learn our lesson. So, even the Christian paradigm of a Satan is an opposition-learning situation. We either choose to take on the task or let go? Sometimes it’s time to let go. Other times, we simply don’t have the energy to continue on with the lesson. That particular model or lesson becomes too hard and too toxic.
I will end with this caveat:
If you think by letting go of this particular friendship that this lesson will end, you’re fooling yourself. You came to this Earth plane to learn about LOVE—PURE LOVE. Every angel in heaven and every Spirit on Earth is moving on your behalf to help you move TOWARD the burden of this difficult task. Eventually, you will have to learn to LOVE or die—physically or mentally.
You don’t get to this voice if reason or recognize it unless you spend time with yourself in silence, asking yourself important self-talk questions. This is like dating. You must get to know the voice of the Spirit by spending time in meditation and silence. This is the only I know to clearly download the power of wisdom and recognize the voice—IN TIMES OF TRAUMA—that is always directing YOU into safety!
Deciding on and living by your core values is a tenuous challenge. My many years of spiritual coaching and life coaching can help you with this. I have helped many people in this situation see light and overcome the darkness of the past. Give me a call: 954-253-6493. SKYPE sessions are available. http://www.bosebastian.com/client-praise/
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