Whose Fault Is it? The Blame Game
January 4, 2017
If you find yourself living a life that is rife with blame, you will want to read this information below. The only way that blame takes over your life is when it keeps you from your peace and wholeness. If your conscious mind can make someone else wrong, then you stand in the clear of being a part of the problem. What happens if you exonerate the person or thing you blame?
On the opposite side of the coin, in Pyschology Today we see that:
“Self-blame is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. It amplifies our perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined, and paralyzes us before we can even begin to move forward. We typically hear a great deal about loving-kindness in the faith traditions, like Christianity, Islam, and Judaism, as well as in the spiritual communities. While we are commonly counseled to extend loving-kindness to others…”
Continue reading below.
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Continued from above:
“…we often fail in first extending it to ourselves; that frequently comes in the form of self-blame.
You, yourself, as much as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. – Buddha”
In an exercise I had in a spiritual class, I was instructed to look at a time in my life that I blamed someone else for an issue or a problem. After discovering that said issue, I was told to release the person as the problem and give that person the honor of leading me in the right direction and on to my spiritual path. In other words, the person I continued to blame was keeping me from:
- Looking at myself and my own issues;
- Trying to steer me in a different direction; and
- Ultimately, doing me a favor.
I haven’t really been in the blame game for quite some time. When I feel upset by someone’s comments or decisions, I typically get quiet and rid myself of the “emotional feelings” that keep me attached to the problem FIRST. When I’m able to be at peace about the situation, then I can clearly look at the issue as something that may present itself as a way to learn something about myself or the person or job I’m doing. Often times, I will end the prayer session with this ultimatum for myself:
Either choose to leave the situation or quit complaining. This is your life. You are the co-creator of this life. You don’t have to let anyone stand in the way of your peace—EVER.
Sometimes I stay in the situation, because I feel there is more to be learned. Other times, I look for other options for my life. Blame just keeps you standing still, rehearsing the past over and over again. Or worse yet, find another person to do the same thing and begin to play the blame game with the exact same situation but a different face.
Most of us can see this blame issue best in the two most important roles in life: Relationship and Career. Each of us have had plenty of times to play the blame game in subordinate positions at work and with relationships that we had simply grown out of or that always kept us from our highest purpose in life.
I invite you to look back at some of the scenarios in your life that stand out the most and ask yourself these questions:
What would this circumstance look like if I took away the blame?
What is the lesson that is to be learned from this relationship to someone or to work?
I guarantee you that you will begin a process of self-realization that will change your life forever.
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