Why Do I Get in the Way of My Dreams?

I had been praying and doing spiritual mind treatment for many things in my life, including finances, great opportunities to use my talents, friendships, relationships, and actually rebuilding my entire life in a new place. So, I’ve spent much of my time actualizing my dreams—working toward them. As I see the seeds I’ve sewn begin to bloom, I noticed that I am not so excited about getting up to watch the magnificence of God’s action open its beautiful petals to the universe. Instead, I see some fear begin to rise as opportunities, auditions, performances, and new relationships present themselves. I asked myself an important question in the midst of all this: Why am I trying to get in the way of my dreams?

One very disturbing thought popped into my mind: I’m not ready! Or, even worse, as I deliberated with that thought: I’m not good enough! I’m afraid of failure! (It’s as if the seeds God tended to, raised from seedlings, and are now ready to bloom, just don’t have the sunshine or water to get the vital energy to manifest!)

I thought, Really! After you have spent the last seven months reworking your life, getting rid of the dross, taking deliberate steps to create a better life; when God hands you your dream, you find that you are not ready? Why?

Suddenly, I faced the fear that has been keeping me from being the best and most successful person I can be my entire life. I realize that this little boy inside of me is still scared of the dark—frightened of what he doesn’t know. Most importantly, he is quite afraid of losing. He may even be more comfortable standing still than moving forward into unchartered territory.

I have a dear friend who gets very frightened when she doesn’t know directions to a new place. If you drive in a car with her, you will actually notice she begins to sweat, as she mutters, “Oh, my God, what if I make a wrong turn. I’ll never find my way back here. How will I get home?” Before the dawn of GPS, I could understand this problem. But, now, as getting lost is almost an impossibility, even in the largest cities, I find the fear completely irrational.

Yesterday, as I drove with her, we turned on the GPS and as the voice gently guided her through each turn, I said, “You can’t expect your mind to be able to think clearly, when you clutter it with so many thoughts from the past and even into the future.” I didn’t judge her thoughts as fearful. “You simply need to listen to one direction at a time and do it. Stay in the now and see if you feel less tense.” Immediately, she began to feel more at ease in the driving to an interview for the next day.

As I deliberate my own self-sabotage, I have to take my own advice that I gave my friend. Take one step at a time forward. Life simply won’t feel so frightening.

I had a new seminar happening this week—the first one from my book “Uncommon Gay Spiritual Warrior.” I am singing four solos, which I have to memorize, for a huge celebration at church. I am in rehearsal with 12 new songs to learn for a Christmas show. And I have had many auditions peppered into this mix from my new acting agent. On top of all of it, I have family commitments, friend commitments, and a new relationship budding.

Life is full. If I let all of it come at once, of course, it will appear frightening. I remember the old Christie Lane song: “One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus.” One moment at a time, I can actually deal with on a great and peaceful basis. “I got this covered! I know I can do this! I have practiced my entire life for this moment!” These are the encouraging thoughts we must say to ourselves in moments like these.

Let God’s flowers bloom in your life. Don’t be afraid of success. You are made for success, in the image of God. You are meant to shine the light of power and truth brightly into the world. That’s what you’re here on this earth to do. Don’t let the shadows scare you. Remember: “If you are seeing a shadow, you’re not facing the light!”

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