Why Do Our Closest Friends Hurt Us the Most?

You’ve heard that “no good deed goes unpunished.” What you haven’t heard is that “no great relationship or friendship goes unpunished.”

People often feel that when they meet a long lost soulmate that they will forever be in bliss with them as they share the most dynamic parts of their hearts, sorrows, and joys. However, it’s these same emotions that are often used when two great people in relationship find something disparaging between them to separate their two physical human bodies.

I know that nothing can separate our hearts from the love that we share in the One Mind of Spirit, but our humanness can sure look bleak in the midst of a harsh break up of a friendship that has lasted for a long time.

I write about this today, not because I have recently had this scenario play out  in my life, but because I have experienced this so many various times in my life. It seems that our human life oftentimes only have room for our attention to be on a specific amount of people. When it appears the load gets too heavy, a friend will often desert you or cause a rift to push you away; probably, because they are afraid you do not have the time you once had for him or her. I’m not actually certain of the why’s. I simply know it has happened numerous time.

In times past, I have grieved deeply about this phenomena. I don’t enjoy the break-up process. I feel it’s a waste of time and love to go through years of friendship with someone and suddenly never hear from that person again. I usually end up taking the responsibility and wondering what I did to make this separation happen.

Every time but once, though, I had gotten no response when I share my grief and dismay and no real understanding of why. In the past 20 years I have only had one person actually tell me why he left my life. Thank you, friend, for your courage.

The other so-called friends had not been so courageous, even though I had been at their side for so long. I have been dismissed without a word so many times now that I can’t even remember how many times this has happened. It’s no wonder we grieve these moments and then put up walls to keep us from forging new relationships that will hurt even worse.

Losing these old friendships is like experiencing a divorce. When these relationships crumble as if they had always been made of wet sand, you begin to wonder what constitutes relationship. Is anything forever? Does everything have a beginning and an end?

I had a dream last night of an old friend who had been in my life for so many years. She had always considering me her best friend, so much so that she would say it out loud at parties, embarrassing me around other friends that were equally important to me.

I sometimes felt this true camaraderie, but often felt the judgment of my other friends who literally detested her. I often would have ten people not show up to a gathering just because I invited this particular “best” friend. I would have to say that she is the only person in my life that I had actively sought to dismiss from my life after she uninvited me to a Super Bowl party because my friend that was tagging along with me was too over weight and would take up too much room in her house. Yes, it took a great deal of incidences like this to make me say, “Enough!”

I dreamed of this woman last night. We were friends again. Maybe she was actively trying to convince me in the dream that we “should” be friends again. I was thinking about letting go of my fear that she was still the mean-spirited person that I had remembered. The dream ended up with me going to her house and celebrating New Years with some of her friends.

As I usually go over my dreams with my husband when I get up each morning, I realized that this dream was simply putting to rest my human struggle with this past relationship and realizing, even after all of these years, there is still only one love that truly exists between any of us. That one love is God the Good. Maybe some friendships are more like candles that burn brightly for a while and then fizzle out.

If we settle in on this premise, we won’t grieve the parade of friends that come in and out of our lives for specific reasons or spiritual growth and stick with hold close those whom you have chosen to live with and be around each day.

I always feel fortunate to have a few close friends to me that nurture my life (nearby and far away). I also have those few friends from the past that will be there for a long time, even though we don’t talk as much any more.

But I have stopped grieving over what truly isn’t lost. No love and friendship is really gone, not in death, not in separation. Separation only exists in our thoughts. If we imagine that separation is an impossibility in the One Mind of God, we will never have to experience the loss for friendships past or present, in death or in life.

I hope this helps someone today.

Lots of love,



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