Why Me?—The Victim Stage of Life #psycholgoicaldevelopment #spiritualdevelopment #spiritualadvice #psychology
July 7, 2014
From our first breath we must trust someone—to feed us, to diaper us, to shelter us from harm. In the deepest part of our subconscious mind, we have neural pathways that desire to lay our fears down at the feet of security—any secure behavior. So, why is it that, when we become adults, our trust wanes for even the basic needs of our lives, food and shelter?
The why-me stage is a defining moment in everyone’s life when we realize that not all of life is going to be taken care of for us. A healthy person wakes up to personal responsibility, if his eyes are open, and learns to walk, run, feed herself, and even push doors open to get outside of his/her old needing paradigm.
When we are children, we can’t help but be narcissistic. Our entire world revolves around our needs. When parents break away from helping us, this is our chance to try out the use of our own legs, then our wills. As you can see from a young child, though, sharing isn’t something that happens normally. No, in fact, an infant must be taught that the world isn’t all about him or her. Sometimes, if the teacher of this lesson, is not so compassionate, we learn not only to share, but to share spitefully, then expect to taken care of all over again.
Carl learned at a young age that only time his mother paid attention to him was when she would dress him up like a little girl and dote on him. You see, his mother wanted a baby girl. Life didn’t give her what she desired, so she forced her baby boy into her own small world of discontent.
When Carl became an adult, he tried to walk away from the old messages from his mother, but eventually he ended up secretly dressing up like a woman, using his wife’s bra and panties. The wife discovered Polaroid pictures of Carl in their shed in a lockbox. After a year of counseling, she divorced him, because Carl wouldn’t give up his personal fantasy. The next week, the wife heard that Carl robbed a liquor store at night, then sat on the store’s steps waiting for the policeman to take him to jail. Carl never left the “why me” stage. Even as an adult, he needed someone to take care of his infant urges, so much so, that he forced himself to go to jail so that his shelter, food, and basic needs would be taken care of.
Not everyone has an issue this deep, but by this story, you can see the problem that exists when a person resists growing up out of the “why me” or just “What about me” syndrome. Everyone must learn that to get to any new stage in life, you must let go of the idea that anyone owes you anything. The next steps in life are certainly up to you.
So, if you sit alone wondering why you have a bad life, you never get the opportunity to move to the next stage of spiritual/psychological development, which is the “By Me” Stage. In this stage, we realize that life must happen as a result of good deeds, schooling, compassion, truth, and wisdom. If we don’t embrace the by-me stage, nothing much good happens for us. We don’t interact well with others, we lose jobs that helped us support ourselves, and we sit alone wondering why the world hates us.
Today, is a day we must take the opportunity to say: Life happens as I become the author of my own destiny!
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