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You’ve Been Married a Long Time When…

The scene of a wedding I attended reminded me of why we actually get engaged and committed. Everything from the setting, to the vows spoken intimately to each other, and the violin serenade was perfectly staged, but never once appeared to be unauthentic.

As the minister shared and joked, the bride and groom added asides. Everyone felt the perfect, comfortable peace of God that tied these two young hearts together from their beginning as high school sweethearts, some nine years ago. They stayed a couple when each was young enough to be stupid, when each went to different colleges, and as she pursued a career in the theater in NYC and he a career in medicine in New Jersey. Now, after all this time and so many life changes, to realize their lives are destined for each other, only makes sense to commit in front of your friends, family, and God.

After the wedding, I was seated with an older gentleman and his wife. Everything that proceeded from his lips sounded like something George Burns would say. His initial quote came after he spent five minutes talking, while his wife completely ignored him. He said, “You know you’ve been married a long time when you enjoy seeing your words come out of the other ear of your wife unheard!”

I sat back and listened with one ear, as I watched the bride and groom dance together for their first time as husband and wife. Mary Susan said to her husband, “Who is going to lead?”

Her husband Jim relied quickly, “I want to lead…” Then he paused and bashfully continued, “If it’s all right with you!” Again, everyone laughed. It was a sure sign that this marriage was authentic and true to life.

We don’t know what the future will hold for any of us. I like what one client, who had struggled through a bought of cancer only to find another small growth, said to her therapist in the book “What Happy People Know,” by Dr. Dan Baker: “Every moment that’s ever been, or ever will be, is gone the instant it’s begun. So life is loss. And the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.”

Notice the cancer patient doesn’t say “but the secret of happiness is…” she says, “and the secret of happiness is to learn to love the moment more than you mourn the loss.”

In my humble estimation, when we make the distinction that love will someday end, we learn to nurture each day and each moment as if it were the last day we will spend together—which is how it should be.

Life carries with it very little assurances. The best we can do is to live life in the NOW and let go of all the baggage we carry from the past that weighs us down. You can hardly move forward if you are burdened with a load of unneeded manure from the past. Dump it and get on with your great life!

So, you know you’ve been married a long time when…

…you wake up to realize that the person lying next to you has been divinely chosen to share your life. With that realization comes a grand moment of gratitude for the perspective God has given you. For without the ability to observe yourself and your life, you will never be empowered or able to change your condition, nor will you be able to look on your life with joy and peace.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or www.bosebastian.com.

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